


The Bodyguard

by Sol_Mundi



Category: Big Bang (Band), GTOP (Band)
Genre: Adolescence, Age Difference, Angst, Blood and Violence, Bodyguard, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Some Explicit Language, Some Warnings Within Chapters, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:13:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27835825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sol_Mundi/pseuds/Sol_Mundi
Summary: Ex-military Seunghyun takes on a bodyguard position for rich, young trouble-maker Jiyong.(a story about more than a bond of love but of loyalty, strength and acceptance).Inspired by this tweet: https://twitter.com/xxbbsoyeonxx/status/1310960510070927366?s=20
Relationships: Choi Seunghyun | T.O.P./Kwon Jiyong | G-Dragon
Comments: 35
Kudos: 33





	1. Bodyguard to Babysitter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xxxtabix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxxtabix/gifts).



If you would’ve asked Seunghyun about five years ago what he would be doing today, his answer would’ve been a firm “What I’ve been doing.” And you would nod in agreement at his appropriate response because Seunghyun was a soldier. Always had been, always would be. Years of intense physical combat and training on survival tactics as well as heavy emphasis on mental preparation – collective training on surveying, language and culture – and so on and so forth. What he wouldn’t have answered was “Bodyguard”. So, to go from a respected Special Forces Officer to a mere bodyguard for a privileged, wealthy family was nothing short of embarrassing. Like any good soldier, he scouted the enemy terrority before arrival, meaning he had done a full background check before accepting – not like he had much of a choice to begin with.

Being a bodyguard wouldn’t have been his first option for a career choice. Was it anyone’s? Hell, he would’ve gladly returned to the Forces if they had let him, but all he got was a “You’re dismissed, Sergeant.” And just like that, he ended up here: without a job and a fucked up leg. This was what he got for his multiple years of service: a salute, a stack of papers and a putting in of a ‘good word.’ Thank you for your service, Choi Seunghyun… yeah, he can truly see the immense gratitude. What a rewarding thank you this all was: months of aimless searching for a somewhat stable job that would take someone as damaged as him. What do people do with a combat veteran anyway? Because that was his label now – a fucking veteran. But he wasn’t just a combat veteran’, he was a _disabled_ combat veteran. He got a card and everything to prove it.

For all his qualifications, people took one look at his file and seemed to only see one word: _disabled_ , which obviously resulted in looks of pity or half-hearted ‘You’re not what we are looking for, I’m sorry we couldn’t have been more help.’ Save the pleasantries, he’d think, and would leave wordlessly. I mean what else could he do? Then he tried blue collar jobs because surely someone with extensive military training (i.e. peak level of fitness) could land one of them. However, even then they’d look him over with his slight limp, glance at his file, then back at his leg until Seunghyun would have enough and just get up and leave. He wasn’t some lab rat or circus animal to be stared and poked at. Or someone with a delicate constitution deserving of pity or extra care or handling – he was a soldier and he wished nothing more than to be back in the familiar. A place where no unnecessary questions were asked, you just do your job and do it well. The simple life – the life he’d known.

Now all he spent his time doing was trying to keep himself off the streets. He wasn’t going to end up like all those half-starved, drugged up veterans who no one gave a damn about – the ones that were either entirely mad or getting there. He had lived in a barely-held-together apartment with no heating or AC, a few rats here or there, but he’d had worse. He’s always had worse, and he lived through it. This was nothing. Working 8 hour shifts at the local grocery store and another 5-6 hours at a restaurant was how Seunghyun had usually spent his days. Limping from place to place, leaving in the insane hours in the morning and then leaving in the pitch of black. He honestly couldn’t care less if someone jumped him for he had nothing of value – or even tried to kill him – truly, he’d like to see them try.

Life was fine, he guessed. It could be better and it could be worse, but it wasn’t – it was just... fine – it was how he lived and would probably continue to do so until he keeled over and died.

So, when his supervisor at the store told him of a security position for someone of great importance with various benefits, Seunghyun leapt at the chance. Finally a change of scenery. More pay, healthcare, and he could finally get his hands on the familiar touch of a gun – there didn’t seem to be much of a struggle with getting Seunghyun to say yes. Although he did say he’d give an answer the next day, leaving enough time to research these ‘important people’, he was quite sure he’d still say yes. Anything would be better than working two jobs and living in a crappy apartment with loud and repeatedly found dead neighbors. Of course then his ‘military background’ and all his qualifications would then be considered _important_ – yeah, he wasn’t sticking around for that likely scenario.

So, here he is now, luggage in hand, outside this gaudy, no-speck-of-dirt-anywhere estate rethinking his decision. Maybe he really could put up with the family of rats and he always was a smooth talker in getting himself out of bad situations if the police ever got involved in the random deaths that just happened to be around his apartment. As he was rethinking his whole life and all of its choices, the gates opened and a voice interrupted his thoughts. An intercom.

Oh, Lord, they’re gonna be signaling me with bells, aren’t they?

“Thank you for waiting, Mr. Choi. Please enter through. We’ll be waiting just outside.”

And like that, it stopped and the gates started closing. Seunghyun quickly dashed through (or as quickly as his leg would let him) and had a look around as he neared the large mansion. Trimmed trees and shrubs lined the driveway with an intricate, centered stone foundation being the main attraction. The small pebbles crunched as he walked, but other than that, there was no noise. He felt like he was on one of his rogue missions, infiltrating enemy territory with the eerie silence making even your heartbeat the sound of a loud drum. It felt like hours more than minutes when he reached the bottom of the staircase leading to the large black doors. Seunghyun didn’t feel any fear. It was more he felt annoyance.

Didn’t they say they would meet me outside? But I guess I’m just a _mere_ bodyguard.

Rolling his eyes, he moved up the staircase, and stopped to ring the doorbell. Once the door opened, he was greeted by the butler because of course they’d have one of those!

“Ah, Mr. Choi. We’ve been expecting you. Please do come in.” Seunghyun entered through the doorway and had the chance to observe his elaborate employer’s home – seemed big enough to house the whole military if you’d asked him.

“And Mr. and Mrs. Kwon will soon be with you. I’m afraid a matter that needed their immediate attention came up. Why don’t you wait in the drawing room while I get you some tea?”

“Water is fine, thank you,” Seunghyun asked annoyed that he would have to wait longer than expected when he still had to make it back home on foot.

“Of course, sir.” With that, Seunghyun was alone. He wandered around the large room, looking at books and observing the paintings. Everything seemed strangely in place like it hadn’t been moved in years. However, there wasn’t a speck of dust – most likely due to the maids more than anything else. Rows and rows of books of a variety of content lined the two walls of the room, and being a book-lover since he could learn to read, Seunghyun couldn’t help pulling one out, flipping through the pages. After close to 10 minutes, he put the book back intent on exploring the rest of the room. Nothing seemed out of place, or aged, even the plants in the corner seemed freshly tended to. The large paintings adorning the walls were of many things Medieval or Renaissance. No family photos or anything to give him an idea of who or what kind of people he’d be working for. Sure, he did background checks, but faces weren’t given. No longer having access to the military base files was a pain in the ass. It felt like a doll house – not lived in, and devoid of any emotion. Seunghyun was used to this feeling, used to this type of environment. But he didn’t expect to find it in a supposed ‘family home’ as the internet so gracely titled the large estate. I guess it’s like they say, you can never trust the internet, Seunghyun thought to himself. As he walked around the room, the butler entered with a tray holding his glass of water.

“The Kwons are here and will be with you shortly. Will there be anything else?”

“No, I don’t think so, thank you,” Seunghyun said, taking the glass and sniffing it as the butler left. Even the water smelt rich if that was even a thing. Damn the rich and the entitled.

The doors opened and in walked who Seunghyun presumed to be Mr. and Mrs. Kwon.

What the hell? Was he supposed to bow or something?

It seemed they recognized his dilemma because they engaged first.

“How do you do, Mr. Choi? You may call me Mrs. Kwon. I hope your arrival was to your liking?” Mrs. Kwon’s voice was light and just slightly condescending. Her husband said nothing as he made himself comfortable on one of the lounge chairs like Seunghyun wasn’t there by their bidding. He didn’t let it bother him though, he’d had experiences with people like this. It was always best to just ignore it. It wasn’t like he needed the attention or necessary courtesy, anyways – he was here for a well-paying job and that was it. Rude, pompous employers be damned.

“Yes, it was. I’m here for the security position?”

“Ah, a military man indeed. Straight to the point.” Seunghyun assumed she meant it to be funny, but he didn’t laugh and neither did her husband. “Anyways, yes, you’re hired.”

Just like that? Seunghyun couldn’t help being skeptical at her quick agreement before even looking through his credentials. Wasn’t she somewhat alarmed to be having an ex-Forces man here in her home – perhaps for an extended period of time – and know nothing about him other than that simple fact? Was she delusional?

“Don’t you need to go over my files? Ask any questions?” Seunghyun was confused at the supposed appearance of strictness and formalities but in reality, they seemed to play with a different book altogether. Perhaps this situation – this place – was more complex than he had originally thought.

“I know everything I need to know about you. You’re in the military and were dismissed, right?”

Slightly annoyed at the dismissive attitude surrounding her character, Seunghyun kept his facial expressions in check and firmly nodded his head.

“And you’re here for security. I don’t need to know anything else,” her response made the decision seem final, so Seunghyun said nothing. He knew when it was time to shut up.

“So, here are the list of things you need to know and do by tomorrow,” Mrs. Kwon said, handing him a small stack of papers. Seunghyun skimmed through the basic requirements and those he had already done or qualified for but – “Upkeep quarters?”

“Ah, yes. You’re going to be living here of course. You didn’t think I’d have security that didn’t live on the premises, did you?” she spoke patronizingly, but Seunghyun let it go. He’d dealt with worse not to get his panties in a wad now.

“Where am I to be staying?” Seunghyun asked, seemingly unbothered by her obvious display of superiority, and Mrs. Kwon signaled him to follow, leaving behind Mr. Kwon smoking a pipe.

Curious.

As they walked past rooms and hallways, they entered into a less ornate, more secluded area.

“This is your room,” she said, opening the door and revealing simple accommodations: small bathroom, plain bed, but it was more than Seunghyun had had in awhile. He was content. Seunghyun walked in and set his stuff down, then followed her out as she laid out what exactly he would be doing here if he wasn’t being a bodyguard. Simple tasks here and there – some requiring manual labor and so on.

“If I may, Mrs. Kwon?”  
“Hm?”  
“Why do you need a bodyguard if you already have security on the premises?”

The question had been bugging him since he arrived, and it had set his senses on edge that this may be a devised plan to kidnap him for government or military secrets. He had noticed the security cameras lining the bookshelf, the front door, and even outside his room – perhaps even in his room for all he knew. But the kidnapping was all not to be, apparently, for Mrs. Kwon seemed amused.

“Oh,” she laughed, “you won’t be a bodyguard for me or my husband.”

Looking confused, Seunghyun stopped behind her as she stopped, and when she turned around, a wicked smile adorned her face.

“You’re going to be my _son’s_ bodyguard.”

What could be worse than a mere Bodyguard? A fuckin’ Babysitter, that’s what.


	2. Meeting Kwon Jiyong

(Seunghyun’s POV)

Babysitter. The word had been haunting Seunghyun since the last interaction he had with Mrs. Kwon:

“You’re going to be my  _ son’s _ bodyguard.”

As he had stood there trying to picture how his job had been newly shaped – no, completely flipped was a more fitting description – just in the last couple hours, Mrs. Kwon had moved on, discussing how things were to be run in her household, paying no heed to the soundless man behind her. Seunghyun knew from personal interactions and stories told that bodyguards for children were not only treated like babysitters, but they were unarmed, meaning Seunghyun could kiss his dreams of holding any sort of weapon goodbye. Bodyguards for children were about diplomacy and when needed using one’s own body to lessen the damage or danger. How Seunghyun was going to be able to protect this person – this  _ important  _ child – without the help of any sort of weapon was beyond him. How he was going to be able to stop a dangerous assailant out to hurt his client with  _ soothing  _ words… Seunghyun never heard of anything more absurd. Maybe this works in some cases, but in Seunghyun’s experience, if someone really wants to kill you then little can be fixed with a good ‘ole chat. Anyways, this is why Seunghyun wanted them to go over his files. Surely, they would’ve seen the stupid, bolded word:  _ disabled _ . And thought to themselves, ‘Maybe it would be a good idea to equip our son’s bodyguard with the necessary tools so he can perform his duty efficiently.’ But no, a human shield he was to be.

“This is my son’s room,” Mrs. Kwon broke the whirling thoughts going through Seunghyun’s mind. He looked where she was gesturing. 

Do not enter. Jiyong’s room.

The signs read, but Seunghyun couldn’t really make a face. His client was a kid after all – wanting privacy and their own space was common. As these thoughts pervaded his mind, Seunghyun saw Mrs. Kwon had reached for the handle to the room, jiggling the knob. It was locked.

“It’s no issue, Mrs. Kwon. We can view his room at a later date at your convenience,” Seunghyun said, trying to keep the kid’s parents from entering his room without his permission. Seunghyun disliked snoopers, especially from people with titles of authority. But Mrs. Kwon wasn’t having it, almost like his locked room was a personal affront, “Right now is at my convenience.” And she pulled out a ring of keys, separating a couple before coming to a gold key painted partly red, “Here we are.” She had unlocked the room and opened it, giving him an entire view of his to-be client’s room. Things were slightly in disarray: clothes strewn across the room along with some crumpled papers and art supplies. 

“Please excuse his untidiness,” Mrs. Kwon said, “He can be a real pig even for a teenage boy.”

Seunghyun didn’t say anything about how most teenage boys that he had encountered or heard about were like this, even some until they reached the age 30. He also didn’t comment on the untidiness or her mentioning of his client being ‘teenage’ because he had known by his research that this family had two children: teenage and adult. Instead, he just looked at her, acknowledging that he heard her. 

“Well, that’s all, Mr. Choi, or at least all I’ll be showing you. Please take the rest of this time to make yourself comfortable. You’ll meet our son in the morning.” And with that, she left before Seunghyun could even give a response – not that he wanted to anyway. He wandered around for a few more hours, remembering the ins and outs. The dinner bell rang late in the evening, and Seunghyun was unsure whether he was to eat with the family or not.

He didn’t know how old-fashioned this place was.. or wasn’t? Did the servants eat with their masters – um, employers? Luckily, he didn’t have to embarrass himself with picking an option because the butler ran into him only moments afterwards, explaining to him where he was to eat. Looks like he wasn’t worthy enough to eat with the family. If it wasn’t so sad, he’d laugh at the ridiculousness. He didn’t know people still lived like this. But if the military life taught him anything it was that if it wasn’t worth the discussion, then it was better to just keep your mouth shut. Only open it when you have something worth contributing to the conversation. And whining about the dinner arrangements wasn’t one of them. In fact, these unofficial rules seemed more in his favor anyways since he didn’t want to sit around the table with people of their type – talking with no real substance or worse, bearing the bitter cold silence, leaving only room for silent judgment or sneering. 

No thanks. He’ll take his lonely, lowly table of inferiority. So that’s where he spent his dinner, and afterwards, headed off towards his room – his pitiful limp hurting more than usual. Although he guessed it shouldn’t all be surprising with how much walking and standing he’d done all day – that he’ll for sure have to do tomorrow, starting as the newest addition to the Kwon security. Seunghyun outwardly sighed as he thought about the coming days. He was mum about the weapon-lessness of his new station because he knew what result it would give him, and he wasn’t overly keen on losing the best job he’s found up until now, especially over something he  _ knew  _ they would think was of little consequence. So, after taking a shower, shaving and brushing his teeth, he laid down upon his cot-like bed. His eyes slowly fluttered as he eased his mind into sleep. Hopefully the higher powers that be would grant him a peaceful night’s sleep tonight – though he expected it would be much the same to his usual sleepless nights of terror. 

(Warning: Graphic depictions of war and violence – Dream)

Flashes of memories filled his mind – his eyes and his ears. It was as if his body was not only remembering events of the past but forming memories that had not been there before. He couldn’t cover his ears from the screams of agony and the following whistling and beats of explosions and bullets. The bright lights of grenades blinding him despite his protective gear and covering. The sticky, dirty smell of decay and death all around him – gaze limited to the few feet in front of him if he was lucky. Everything seemed to slowly fade away as it disappeared from his view… he was sinking.

Cries of help were hushed in the fields of battle. He couldn’t move a muscle. No one was around – not even an enemy in sight. Only smoke and fog that seemed to act as a sound barrier for his cries and shouts of pain and panic. As the wet marsh clouded his vision, he soon accepted his fate – to die on the battlefield; however, his view was suddenly filled with a dark hallway – no longer a muddied, blank view of the earth. Where was he? He looked down at himself seeing his military gear and muddied boots still on his person. Seunghyun still ached and the cries were only shallow echoes in his ears. As he walked closer to the only light source – a door opened from a lit room – he focused his senses on any unusual sounds. But there was nothing. No sound. No peep. This eeriness was worse than the loud gunshots before. He had no weapon, so he banked on the element of surprise. Coming upon the entrance, he slowly pushed it more open, allowing for a clearer view. But he’d wish he hadn’t. Lying there were the people he’d encountered in his ex-military life: supervisors at the grocery store, the old lady next door, and the Kwons. Their bodies were twisted. Blood painted the walls. And then the explosions and cries happened, piercing the silence as if they were waiting for him to enter the room. He attempted to run away, but was met with no door. The cries and sounds of war filled his ears, matching the rapid beat of his heart. Seunghyun screamed and curled in the corner, trying to block it all out. But it was loud, so very loud. Seunghyun could feel warm liquids on his face – dirtied tears. He didn’t want to be here…he needed to leave... Get me out… please, save me… 

(End of dream)

Seunghyun woke with a start. Breathing loud and uneven. Sweat drenching his blankets and clothes. A dream, he thought, it was just a dream. Except it wasn’t, really. He’d seen those things before. Tasted those things before. Smelt those things before. Lived those things before. Shudders ran through his body and chills ran up his spine – he was shaking. Seunghyun laughed at how pitiful he probably looked, but it only came out with forced bitterness. 

Seunghyun couldn’t remember the last time he had a good night’s rest – seriously, what were those? They seemed only figments of his imagination – times long gone past. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and focused on the clock by his bed on the nightstand. It read 6:00 AM.

Time to get up. It wasn’t like he was going to get any sleep anyways. He stood up with a stretch, still trying to shake the shudders and chills running throughout his body. A shower sounded nice, so that’s what he did next. Fortunately, he was blessed with his own bath – it might seem barely bigger than a half-bath to anyone else, but Seunghyun was grateful. He turned the handle to the highest temperature, but he could barely feel it. His body still seemed cold, and despite the tight schedules in his past, he stayed beneath the beating pressure of the showerhead for longer than necessary. He liked the constant pressure of water, and the consistent sound of it hitting the floor – it centered his jumbled thoughts. Seunghyun didn’t know how much time passed before he decided that he should probably get out. When he left the bathroom, entering into his little bedroom, the clock read 7:48 AM. He quickly got dressed and made himself presentable before leaving the room – ready to meet the youngest in the Kwon family.

As Seunghyun walked into the dining room, the Kwon family were quietly eating at the table. Four people this time. The butler saw Seunghyun, and briskly approached Mrs. Kwon, leaning in her ear to no doubt inform her of Seunghyun’s presence. Mrs. Kwon looked up and actually smiled, but it unnerved Seunghyun more than it calmed him. 

“Mr. Choi, how good of you to be here! Please, join us,” Mrs. Kwon said too gleefully. And Seunghyun wanted to do anything  _ but  _ join them for breakfast. It felt too awkward – heck, he was awkward. He felt too exposed under their suspicious glances as he sat down opposite of Mrs. Kwon. “So, how was your first night here, Mr. Choi? I hope your sleep was pleasant.” Seunghyun was staring at the too perfectly placed food on his plate, no emotion on his face, “I slept fine, thank you.” Although he knew the ‘thank you’ was anything but grateful, he doubted whether Mrs. Kwon could detect it with his perfectly masked expression. She then turned her attention to a more interesting subject, “Dami, please put the phone away while you’re at the table.”

“Why? You’ve never asked me to do that before? Why’s it so different now that  _ he’s  _ here?” She didn’t look up when she spoke, rapidly typing away at her phone. Seunghyun could tell that Dami’s attitude was pissing off her mother, whose smile was as fake as could be, undoubtedly to make it seem like she had it all under control. But instead of picking with that battle, Mrs. Kwon moved to her next target, Jiyong – who was staring at Seunghyun with poorly disguised contempt. “Jiyong, I’d like you to meet Choi Seunghyun, your new bodyguard. I’m sure you’ll both get on splendidly,” she spoke to him like one would a small child being introduced to a new friend. 

Without removing his dark gaze from Seunghyun, Jiyong replied, “Oh, I’m  _ sure  _ we will.” The sarcasm dripped from his voice, but no one except Seunghyun seemed to notice the tension forming in the room. They all went on eating, the forks clattering on the plates, no other words spoken. Seunghyun had lost his appetite – or more accurately, he never had one this morning to begin with – so he decided to excuse himself and prepare himself for his duty today. No one blinked an eye or gave him any sort of indication that they noticed his absence when he left – all of them, except Jiyong, who scowled at him as he approached the exit of the dining room. 

Really, who spit in his bean curd? Seunghyun thought as he packed his bag with the basic essentials: medical kit, snack foods, some toiletries – truly, a diaper bag. He needed to be prepared for whatever outings and events Jiyong decided or was forced to attend. Today, according to the schedule Mrs. Kwon gave him yesterday, Jiyong was scheduled for his art lessons before going to his afternoon courses for school. Honestly, Seunghyun felt like his ‘security’ position was more of a ‘managerial’ role, but he couldn’t complain that much – not when he was getting three times the pay he was obtaining from his multiple jobs only days prior. 

As he exited his room in search of Jiyong, he ran into Dami. Dami gave him a once over, and nodded slowly. Then, with a thumbs up, like she was giving him an ‘okay’, she left. 

What the fuck was that? Seunghyun thought as he watched the strange girl stroll down the hallway to her room. Jiyong’s room was just a ways away – seriously, how big was this estate?

He approached Jiyong’s door and knocked loud enough to be heard but quiet enough to not make it seem like he was demanding anything. He heard that there were ways to deal with  _ special  _ clients in the bodyguard business. Do as you're told and let them bask in their superiority – the sooner they get bored, the more likely they’ll leave you be. Seunghyun intended to do just that with this Jiyong because he seemed the type: ungrateful, spoiled, bratty kid with too much time on his hands. Speaking of the kid, where was he? Seunghyun paced outside the room. 5 minutes past. Now 10…

Just how long does it take to get ready?! Seunghyun knocked again, but this time with a response: “Jiyong – er… Mr. Kwon, sir? Are you ready to go?” Seunghyun waited a good thirty seconds before letting out a deep sigh. He knew Jiyong hated him for some reason, but he wasn’t expecting to be ignored – bullied and fussed at, yes, but ignored? It didn’t seem to fit rash Jiyong’s character because only a moment with him, and Seunghyun had a pretty good idea what kind of person Jiyong was. 

“He’s not in there.”

That voice was familiar. Dami. “Where is he?” Seunghyun kept it short and to the point, didn’t ask why she was there or how long she had been standing there. “How would I know? Am I my brother’s keeper?” her knowing smirk made it quite clear that Ms. Dami liked toying with her prey, liked poking – was used to getting her way – but Seunghyun wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of seeing his rising annoyance. So, instead he kept his usual blank look and responded, “He’s gone, isn’t he?” Dami gave a pout, “You’re no fun. No fun at all.” “Just answer the question… please.” He was used to answering bluntly without unnecessary politeness when he served, but he had to remember that he wasn’t in the Forces anymore. This was a different environment – a different game altogether. 

“Probably his art lessons? Or... what time is it – yeah, probably already arriving at his lessons,” Dami answered glancing at her watch. She at least had the decency to give him a pitied look at him so obviously getting left behind. Seunghyun let out a sigh and with a slight bow of the head, he excused himself. He didn’t even spare a glance back, running towards the door as best as his leg would allow him, which turned out to be more of a jog. He should’ve been more embarrassed at himself for being out of breath when he got into one of the cars he’d been given to use for his ‘chauffeur’ duties, but he was too in a rush to care.

Great. First day and he’d already failed. How could he not have foreseen this? It was so obvious now that he looked back – Jiyong’s scowls and clear distaste for his new bodyguard. He wasn’t going to lash out at Seunghyun. He was going to try to get him to quit and on the first day too. For the most likely reason that Jiyong was ‘too much’ or the usual ‘I didn’t sign up for this’. But unluckily for him, Seunghyun wasn’t a quitter. He liked challenges, and Jiyong was clearly one of his most interesting ones since he left the military. Of course it had nothing to do with the fact that Seunghyun also had nowhere else to go – definitely not. With this in mind, Seunghyun was weaving through traffic like a madman, then finally arriving outside the art building. 

As he parked, he breathed in and out. Keep it together, Choi Seunghyun, he told himself, he’s a kid – he may have won this small battle, but he won’t win the war. After his pep talk to himself, he stepped out and pulled on his black jacket, then shouldering his backpack, he walked up the stairs to the building. The woman at the front desk was typing away on her computer when Seunghyun approached the desk. Seunghyun stood there and before he could say something, the woman looked up and in her high-pitched toned voice practically shouted, “Hello! How may I help you? Are you here for the modeling session?” Seunghyun was trying to tell her ‘No’, but she wouldn’t let him, talking a mile a minute.

“Because you look like a model! Seriously, have you ever considered it? Aéropostale? No, you look a little too mature for that – not that you’re old or anything! You’re so handsome! How about Calvin Klein? 99%IS? –”

“Please!” he shouted, disrupting her, then with a tight smile, “I’m not here for a modeling gig or whatever – I don’t plan on modeling in the future nor do I want to. I’m here for a Kwon Jiyong.”

Her eyes were wide for what Seunghyun thought was shock or fear at his loud shouting.

“So… you’re his boyfriend?!” Her smile was so large, and as it happens, her eyes were large in  _ amazement _ and  _ excitement  _ rather than fear. 

Lord, give me strength, Seunghyun thought, inwardly rolling his eyes.

The usual assumptions he’d have expected to get were his father or his older brother – maybe a friend, but a boyfriend? That was a new one. And considering his recent experiences with Jiyong, he’d rather drink a bottle of hot sauce than date that brat. So, with his practiced charm, Seunghyun decided to get this interaction over with quickly because who knew if Jiyong would up and leave again, “No…” Seunghyun looked at her nametag, “Ji-ae.” Her blush reached all the way up to her ears, letting him know that he’s still got it – the old Choi charm. So, he continued, “I’m not his boyfriend. I’m employed by his parents, and it’s my responsibility to make sure Jiyong gets picked up.” There was an ‘Ohh’ and a thumbs up followed. Then, with a quick tap on her computer for the location of Jiyong’s art room, she said, “Here you go, sir. He’s just right down the hall. Feel free to sit right outside or go in.” “Thank you,” he walked away, trying to shift his weight off of his hurt leg. His limp was definitely acting up again.

He looked down at the neatly written note of the location of the room, and having arrived, gratefully plopped down on the side chairs. He let out a loud groan like an elderly person, but it couldn’t be helped. He had been pushing himself a lot today without letting his leg rest at all, and it was just the beginning of the day. Damn it. These painkillers aren’t doing squat. He laid back in the chair, slowly massaging his aching knee. He wished he could give that brat a piece of his mind, but he wasn’t too sure how it would end for him. So, he decided just pushing on – like he’d always done – was his best option. Speak of the Devil, here he is, Seunghyun thought as he fixed his gaze to the opening door. It revealed young Jiyong talking animatedly with a few other students. Popping a few more pills, Seunghyun got up and moved towards Jiyong. 

With a clear laugh, Jiyong’s eyes then settled on Seunghyun, and it immediately ceased. Seunghyun could tell that Jiyong had finished his conversation with his friends if their departure was anything to go by. “Why are you here?” If the question wasn’t so snotty, Seunghyun would’ve laughed at the stupidity of it; however, Jiyong clearly meant it as a dig – that Jiyong was able to get one on him.

“I’m your bodyguard, remember?” He kept his tone neutral, face blank. He wasn’t about to give Jiyong the luxury of seeing how worn he was from all this running and rushing around. Apparently there were multiple buildings with the same name as the one Jiyong attended.

“What are you, some robot? Show some emotion” he spoke this while making his way to the exit, most likely headed to his actual school for his afternoon classes. Seunghyun said nothing to the remark, but instead followed silently. Jiyong had shoved ear buds into his ears and headed towards the buses. “This way, sir,” Seunghyun broke the silence, loud enough to be heard over Jiyong’s music – most likely, much to his annoyance. “I’m not a ‘sir’. I’m not old like you,” Jiyong scoffed and just for good measure, rolled his eyes. Seunghyun didn’t say anything, but that seemed the wrong move because it just irritated Jiyong more. With a huff, Jiyong stomped off towards the black Cadillac, mumbling something akin to ‘hate’ and ‘motherfucker’ – not necessarily in that order. As they arrived at the car, Seunghyun reached for the handle of the car to open it for Jiyong, but all he got was a sharp rebuke, “I can open my own damn door!” And with that, he yanked it open and slammed it shut. 

Yikes.

And Seunghyun thought he had anger issues. But like usual, Seunghyun said nothing and calmly got into his seat in the front. “To school?” He asked out of courtesy because wasn’t that what  _ normal  _ people did? To, like, make conversation or something? Seunghyun had never been a small talk or mindless chatter kind of person, but Jiyong seemed like a kid that was bothered by the silence. However, if his response was anything to go by, then Seunghyun probably should perhaps rethink his reading methods of people. “What the heck do you think? Or do you just like the sound of your own voice?” Jiyong’s words were laced with poison, and he hadn’t even looked in Seunghyun’s direction – still intent on gazing out the window.

Okay. Guess ‘small talk’ is  _ not  _ a do-again. That’s fine. Seunghyun never really liked it anyway. And he drove on towards the school with no word – no sound. 

As Seunghyun pulled into the parking lot, he turned to ask Jiyong where he’d like him to be waiting for him, but Jiyong was already out the door. Seunghyun laid his head against the headrest of the vehicle, heaving out a sigh and running his hands across his face. He’s faced overwhelming odds – shoot outs, heavily fortified bases needing penetration, being extremely outnumbered – but this was nothing like that. It wasn’t an easily fixed problem with a M4A1 like most of his problems had been before. Nothing could’ve prepared him less for this position, especially given today’s turning out. He’s never felt more lost and...tired (though Seunghyun would never admit that) in such a short span as he had today, dealing with this kid and his antics. To be fair, Jiyong hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary, Seunghyun guessed, but his experience was severely lacking. Seunghyun wasn’t used to dealing with people this closely – in this  _ everyday  _ life kind of living. He’d never grown used to it despite being discharged for quite some time. Even for his previous ‘civilian’ jobs, he had been working in the back – stocking or washing dishes. Sure, this was one day, but Seunghyun wasn’t sure how many more kinds of these types of days his leg could take. Even now, he was grimacing and trying to mask the obvious discomfort on his face. 

No, he thought, I’m going to get through today – I’m going to take control and complete the task I’ve been given. Seunghyun then barked out a harsh laugh. Then he began hysterically laughing, probably looking like a madman to anyone observing him. He couldn’t believe who he sounded like… he sounded just like  _ him _ with all these ‘pep talks’. Despite his laughing at the likelihood that he would pick up phrases and thought-processes of his former comrade in arms, Seunghyun’s heart suddenly was filled with a great sadness. But the sadness didn’t last long because a tap on the glass of the window beside his head startled him out of his trance. 

It was a police officer. Great, he probably thinks I’m some creep spying on kids, Seunghyun groaned. Seunghyun rolled down his window and addressed him, “May I help you, officer?”

“Yes, actually,” the officer spoke, “What’s your business here?”

Seunghyun wasn’t sure if saying ‘I’m waiting for my client to come out, so I can take him safely home’ would sound creepy. Ok, nevermind. It definitely sounds creepy. So, he changed his tactics, “I’m a bodyguard for the Kwon family. I wasn’t sure if I would be let inside, so I was just going to wait outside. It seemed the best location: the entrance.”

The officer nodded his head and didn’t seem surprised when he told him his occupation and who he was employed by. Almost like he’s encountered a situation similar to this one before…

Huh.

It seemed like the officer was satisfied with Seunghyun’s response, but just in case, Seunghyun also showed ID. And with a ‘thank you for your service’, the officer walked back to make his rounds, leaving Seunghyun to return back to his thoughts. He couldn’t remember what he’d been thinking of, but he didn’t stay on that thought long when he saw Jiyong sitting in the classroom just ahead, closest to the window. He was busy scratching away on paper, taking no notice of those around him. The professor approached him, and although Seunghyun couldn’t hear anything, he didn’t have to in order to get the picture of what was happening. Jiyong was being publicly humiliated, paper ripped away from his grasp and it being shaken in front of his face. The professor looked anything but pleased. 

Poor kid, Seunghyun thought as the professor walked away in front of the class, leaving a gloomy Jiyong, head in his folded arms atop his desk. For the next few hours, Jiyong seldom left his seat – it looked like several of his courses were being taken in the same room. Hours passed, and the near setting sun signalled the end of Jiyong’s school day. Seunghyun had stayed where Jiyong had left him – only getting up for a quick bathroom break and a small snack. As the influx of students poured from the entrance building, Seunghyun kept his eyes peeled for young Jiyong. There he was. Jiyong emerged from the entrance, head down and an unreadable expression on his face. He looked up and after making eye contact with Seunghyun, sighed loudly and adjusted his backpack. After getting in the car without a sound, Jiyong pulled out his phone – in his own world. Seunghyun respected that – he knew when someone needed time alone, and he was going to give it to him. Call it ‘grace’ if you will, but Seunghyun just felt that it was the right move in this instance – he absolutely was  **not** developing a soft spot for this ticking time bomb of a child. The whole ride was quiet, but it was a comfortable silence. Seunghyun never minded the silence unlike most of his former brothers in arms because in the quiet, it gave Seunghyun less of a likelihood of messing something up with his mouth. For Seunghyun, he could simply sit in silence with someone and say everything that needed to be said without saying a word. 

So, that’s what he did even as they pulled up the driveway. Jiyong got out wordlessly, but this time didn’t slam the door or cuss him out. Ah, an improvement and on day one too, Seunghyun thought, somewhat sarcastically as he too got out to watch the kid go in. As Jiyong neared the door, he stopped in his tracks. Seunghyun was readying himself for the long-held-in outburst. He knew the quiet and good behavior was too good to be true. But instead only one word could be heard coming from Jiyong’s direction, and it was so quiet anyone could’ve missed it: “Thanks.”

Seunghyun didn’t ask what for. He didn’t say anything. But Seunghyun knew that Jiyong knew that he had heard him, and that was enough. Jiyong continued going inside, leaving Seunghyun outside to wipe down the seats of the car. Then, Seunghyun strolled in and headed for bed, leg on fire. He popped a few more pills, washing it down with a glass of water on his nightstand.

Maybe tomorrow wouldn’t be so bad? 

That night, in his many years, Seunghyun slept well.

  
  


*****

  
  


Jiyong’s POV:

(Warning: Abusive treatment – words and some actions)

Being 17 came with perks for most people – for most families, but for Jiyong, it only spelled misery. Being 17 meant preparation for big changes in his future – job, college, etc. Being 17 meant more distrust from his parents (not like they trusted him before). And being 17 meant that he got his very own personal bodyguard. Yay…

He had already had many bodyguards in the past – three or four – but they never lasted long. Jiyong had heard all the excuses of every kind: ‘I didn’t sign up for this’, ‘the pay could never cover what i’ve been through’, or Jiyong’s personal favorite ‘ _ he’s  _ too much.’ That comment always brought a smirk to his face because it gave him a rush of excitement to see how much control he had over all these supposedly  _ composed _ ,  _ controlled _ people. They thought he was easy and manageable because he was a kid? Despite his age, Jiyong thought himself quite mature – top of his art class and a generally good student in all departments within the four walls of his school. What was there to “straighten out” as his parents so gracefully put? 

The bored drawl of “it’s for your protection” from his father didn’t have the same lasting effect as his father probably thought it did. Jiyong thought that his mother’s “it’s for your own good” was closer to the truth – it was to punish him. Nothing was ever out of the goodness of their hearts. The very thought of it almost always brought out a mocking laugh from Jiyong. So when the day of his bodyguard’s arrival came, Jiyong knew he had to act fast. He knew the person behind all of his future trouble and pain lied beyond the drawing room door, but Jiyong needed to see his parents. Walking past the drawing room entrance, Jiyong approached his father’s study with a knock. 

“Come in.”

And so he did. Jiyong peeked his head in, and sure enough, there was his mother sitting at the desk with his father standing at the window, smoking. It took a lot of courage for Jiyong to summon the words that he spoke next.

“I can’t have a bodyguard.”

No response. Not even a scolding. In fact, his parents weren’t even looking at him – acknowledging him. Jiyong tried again. This time, a little louder. 

“I can’t have a bodyguard. I won’t–”

“We heard you the first time,  _ son _ ,” his father coldy broke off, not turning his back but the impact was just the same. Blinking, Jiyong stumbled over his next words, “I-I w-want to prove myself capable–”

“Oh, spit it out, boy!” Mr. Kwon sharply spinned around, eyes piercing into his. Mrs. Kwon calmly knitted away, not a care in the world. But then she looked up, at Jiyong then at her husband. Jiyong waited for her to speak, but she didn’t. Instead, she looked bored as if she had heard this discussion many times before despite it being the first time Jiyong brought it up.

“I think we’ve heard enough,” Mrs. Kwon finally spoke more to her husband than Jiyong, “You’ll have a bodyguard whether you like it or not. I don’t care about your reasons or your feelings on the matter. It has been decided. You’re dismissed.”

Jiyong wanted to cry. They always did this. It was always the same. Mr. Kwon scoffed and turned around, once again smoking his pipe. Mrs. Kwon’s eyes remained on Jiyong – but not in a fond, motherly gaze – it was a black, cold stare, taunting him, just seeing if Jiyong would object to her words. The butler then entered the door, “Mr. and Mrs. Kwon...”

Heh, even the servants here ignore me, Jiyong thought bitterly as he stood there in the chilling atmosphere. 

“...the bodyguard replacement is here in the drawing room. I said you had matters to attend to but you’d be there shortly.”

“Thank you, Hajoon,” Mrs. Kwon said, returning with a small smile. “If that’ll be all?”

“Ma’am. Sir.” And he bowed and left the room. Jiyong had been watching him go when he was suddenly gripped by the chin, forcing his eyes to his mother.

“Tsk, you are such a child. Even now after 17 years,” her lip curled in disgust at his trembling body despite him trying so hard to keep it together. He didn’t want to show his weaknesses to his father and definitely not to his mother. “You will do as you’re told. Stop being the weak link. Do you want to be the  _ only  _ failure in this family, Jiyong? Do you wish to displease us?” Her words were like a sucker punch to his gut. Gulping and eyes watering, all Jiyong could do is shake his head.

“I thought not. So pull yourself together. Haejoon will arrange for your travel arrangements to get you to school.” She ended it with a pat on the head, but it felt more like a slap. Jiyong quietly bowed and with a sniffle left the room. 

He tried to maintain some of his wounded pride as he walked towards the direction of his room. Many of the servants didn’t take much notice of him – used to this type of behavior from the Kwon’s youngest. And for at least today, Jiyong was grateful for that fact – that no one could see his red eyes or splotchy red cheeks. The tears had already begun to fall and Jiyong picked up his pace. Once rounding the corner to the hallway which contained his room, he rushed towards it, slamming the door. He then laid on his bed, tears once again starting to swell up in his eyes.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Jiyong hated crying. It made him feel so weak. With a stiff upper lip, he willed himself to stop crying – he was a Kwon for crying out loud, he would  **not** cry over this. But with that thought, the tears started to come again. Jiyong grabbed his pillow and screamed his frustrations out. At least he was in the safety of his own room, away from prying eyes, but coming tomorrow that would be no more. Soft sobs shook his body. 

Man, he was pitiful. He was just like a child. His mother was right. Shaking his head, he made it up in his mind to run away – he had enough connections, cash and talent – he’d be fine. But then when he thought about it – running away, being on his own – sadness overcame him. Because he knew no one would come for him. Because he knew that they knew he’d come back. The runaway plan had always been his contingency plan, but the more he thought of it, the more unlikely it started to look. Leaving meant he would truly be alone – not just by feeling but this time by looks – anyone would see that he no longer had anyone to rely on. Anyone to call ‘home’ or ‘family’. Leaving also meant that he would be proving his parents right, that he was a quitter – that he couldn’t amount to anything worthwhile. And Jiyong was anything but. So, scratch the plan and handle the present. Oh, right. Bodyguard. Sighing and beginning to feel overwhelmed, Jiyong looked at the ceiling of his room, decorated with glowing stars. He’d made them, then secretly attached them to the surface of his room without anyone’s knowledge. A comfort during the silent night as well as a reminder that he could create something beautiful… something worthwhile.

But with the happy thoughts of increasing self-esteem came the plummeting reminder of the soon-to-be watchful eyes, and no doubt whispering mouth to what most people would call parents. 

His last bit of privacy would be invaded – for his parents’ own means to an end. His mind came up with images of what his new bodyguard would look like, and the anger started to replace the sadness. This next one would soon be added to his bodyguard list of ‘Those Who Didn’t Last’ – Jiyong was convinced. He’d make it happen – he wouldn’t let this obstacle get in his path. Jiyong was determined to prove that he didn’t need watching, that he was just much of an asset as any other relative. 

He’d make him quit, even if it was the last thing he did. Kwon Jiyong did  **not** need a Babysitter.

  
  


* * * * * 

The early next morning, Jiyong woke up with his alarm softly beeping. Dressing for the day, he left his room, deciding that he would put his plan in motion. It didn’t take long at the family table before his irritation and nervousness started to kick in. His mother was already prying, and his father held his newspaper up, most likely blocking everyone out. Just as Jiyong was going to announce his departure, Hajoon approached his mother with whispered words. But Jiyong was ever a keen listener and picked up the words ‘here’ and ‘bodyguard.’ Well, speak of the devil.

No one turned their heads to greet or even acknowledge his new bodyguard, and for once, Jiyong was happy with his family’s obvious entitlement to superiority. It would make his job ten times easier because he could already tell this ‘Choi Seunghyun’ hated being here – or better put, hated them. He could work with that. After harassing Dami, his mother decided to get a rise out of Jiyong, but he was expecting it. He had been levelling a glare at Seunghyun the whole time, knowing that a man of his caliber would’ve noticed eons before he sat down. If he played his cards right, this man would be booking it this very week, thinking him a stuck up brat (nevermind if that was true or not). And with Choi’s absence from the table, Jiyong quickly asked to be dismissed.

Initiating Phase One: Being Left Behind

It was his personal favorite because not only did it make the other person feel like a failure, but it also looked bad on them – it was humiliating – to lose to a kid. So, Jiyong used that to his advantage, and he had a lot of advantages in store for this sad, limping excuse of a bodyguard. 

The man was going to keel over and die before he could protect anyone much less Jiyong. His parents must really want him dead if they thought hiring this disabled, military man was going to keep him safe. The bodyguards before had been older, bigger men just like Choi, except they had been at peak level fitness and literally not  _ disabled _ . Jiyong knew he was a pain in the ass, but he wasn’t expecting his parents to downgrade their expectations and standards to  _ this _ . Although his parents didn’t seem to care much about checking Choi Seunghyun’s files, Jiyong wasn’t going to be left in ignorance – his life in the hands of someone he didn’t know majority of the ins and outs of their lives. Call him a control freak, but that’s what had kept him safe… from all of those meant to protect him and that even included family.

All of these thoughts circled Jiyong’s mind as he rode the bus to his art lessons – his favorite part of the day. It made getting up every morning easier, being able to create something beautiful, being able to express yourself. He always felt so much more energized after his morning sessions in the art building. He couldn’t stop mentally patting himself on the back for having the courage to persuade his parents to let him sign up for the courses. Reluctance and a dismissive wave of the hand was all he received, but it was enough. Jiyong would show them something they could be proud of – he’d show them that he had more to offer. And then maybe they would reconsider the set plans for his future.

Entering the classroom, the sunlight beams shone in, glistening across the ornate decorations along the walls – the art projects throughout the years. Their art professor was talking with another student but waved excitedly at Jiyong’s entering. He didn’t mean to brag, but Jiyong knew he was a favorite in the classroom, not only for the professor but also for the students. One could say that Jiyong had a gift for the arts – his classmates jokingly called it the Kwon Touch, which made him bubble with pride a little inside. Professor Sungho practically saw him as a prodigy, and his classmates were always in awe over his pieces, asking him for help or to partner up with them. Needless to say, Jiyong loved art class because it was not only where his true talents shined, but it was also where they were acknowledged and supported. Those were the main reasons why he left art class always in a good mood, that is, before he forgot what he thought he had left at home – or  _ who  _ he had left at home. 

His mother must’ve given his schedule to this robot because how else would he know to come here out of all the places? After asking why Choi was there, not even trying to mask his inward smirk, Choi had simply answered, “I’m your bodyguard, remember?” For some reason, the lack of response was pissing Jiyong off – this guy wasn’t the least bit upset? Tired? So, instead of letting Choi know he was unnerved and upset about the unfortunate turn of events, Jiyong decided to ignore him. Yes, that would get to him… hopefully before it got to Jiyong.

He shoved ear buds into his ears not wanting to even sense his newest bodyguard’s presence – music always helped. It always helped him push through the pain, the annoyance, the quiet – anything that he couldn’t face on his own. It was art, so it made sense that Jiyong would love it. After Choi’s few attempts at conversation or just talking in general, he finally learned to just shut up. Took him long enough, Jiyong snorted. Harsh words and rebukes easily slid from Jiyong’s tongue wherever his bodyguards were concerned because they couldn’t do or say anything unless they wished to be quickly disposed of – unemployed. Now to the least favorite part of his day: the rest of school. Jiyong made average grades. It didn’t come as easy to him like art did. There was nothing ‘alive’ in his school – he felt like it was just holding him back from nurturing his artistic gift. 

Drawing away on his notepad, it was too late to notice the approaching professor. The professor grabbed away the notepad, causing Jiyong’s pen to drag across it, ruining the artwork. “Are you so bored you have time for doodling, Kwon?” Despite his annoyance with his professor calling his intricate artwork ‘doodles’, he answered softly, “No, sir.” 

“You think that because you have parents as avid donors to this school you can do as you like, huh?” The bitterness seemed to spit out of the professor’s mouth. Jiyong just bowed his head, kept his eyes down. He didn’t like getting yelled at. But the yelling kept coming – Jiyong thought this yelling session was a little bit of an overreaction, he didn’t steal or break something for goodness sake. It came to the point where the professor’s yelling started to fall on deaf ears, the sound waves starting to fade out. And then they came back again, but this time with another voice altogether – he would recognize that voice anywhere. His mother. Jiyong couldn’t believe it! She was here?! His body started trembling at the screaming now coming from the professor because it wasn’t the professor’s voice he heard. With a scoff and a mumble of curses, the professor turned around and started to teach again. Everyone then ignored Jiyong to focus on the lesson, and Jiyong laid on his desk, hiding away from everyone. 

He didn’t want to be here. 

As classes went by, Jiyong barely spoke unless it was mandatory. He didn’t ‘doodle’ and didn’t look up. He just wanted to get through today. Time went by too slowly for him as he gazed at the clock. With the last professor’s dismissal, Jiyong started packing up his things. He can go home now – to be alone, to be in his room. His mood was temporarily lifted as he thought about the safety of his little home, but immediately ceased when he thought about the way home. 

His bodyguard. Another reminder of his incompetence – of his parents’ ever-watchful eyes. 

So, when he approached Choi, he was less than pleased but too tired to say anything. He still didn’t like him, no matter what he did or did not do. The silence was welcomed, and for once, Jiyong was glad that at least his bodyguard was decent enough to read the room – er, car. The whole way there was quiet, and even though before it would trouble him, right now it was everything he needed. Pulling up the driveway, he slowly got out, but as he went up the steps he recalled the early events of today. His horrid attitude towards someone he barely knew – he had been such an asshole. The time in silence along the car ride must’ve moved him deeply – made him think of his sins or something – because he couldn’t stop his already moving mouth:

“Thanks.”

There was an awkward pause following, but Jiyong was sure he had heard him – it was directed at Choi… he knew that right? Or was he really a robot with no emotions?

Whatever. Jiyong stepped up the last step and headed towards his room.

Only when he was behind closed doors did Jiyong finally let out the breath he had been holding in. Man, that was awkward. He couldn’t believe he had fallen for such trivial feelings like guilt, especially at someone who most certainly deserved it! Although Choi didn’t know that yet. That man – that bodyguard – was the very channel between his parents and him. And he knew whose side they  _ all  _ always chose – not his. He was a means to an end to them all – a way to make money, a temporary thorn in their side. No, he wasn’t going to let them –  _ him  _ – get the better of him. 

Falling asleep, Jiyong thought of a life without his parents, without his responsibilities or standards and without bodyguards. Would he then be able to do what he wanted to? Would it change a thing? As he slept that night, his mind continued mulling over these thoughts. But despite the constant thoughts, he slept well that night.

Time for Phase Two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever...I wanted to make it longer than the last one. I wish I had a good excuse for the delay, but I really don't. Anyways, please tell me what you think. It's always appreciated.


	3. He’s Ravin’ Mad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong being a pain in the ass, intent on getting Seunghyun to quit. Seunghyun being helpless and clueless. Everyone, gtop deserves endless hugs, especially in this chapter. So, basically, I’m a terrible person, I’m sorry ㅜ_ㅜ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~   
> long time no see! *continues to hide behind a door because I’ve become the fanfic writer that I’ve always disliked heh..heh...*  
> Sorry, for being inconsistent. Honestly don’t have a good excuse other than I literally forgot about this fanfic, so I had to re-read my measly two chapters multiple times to figure out what I had wanted to write weeks ago lol?? In my defense, I did warn all of you...anyways, this probably ended up way different than how I originally planned - but what can we do? Enjoy!

Seunghyun had thought they had bonded or something? Reached somewhat of a truce? 

Sure, it was only a “Thanks”, but the tense air had dissipated in that moment. So, he thought that from here on out things would be different, if only slightly. He wasn’t expecting to be Jiyong’s best friend or for him to be a safe place for Jiyong to confide in. All he wanted was to do his job well, which was to protect him – from what or from whom, Seunghyun had not yet been informed. But Seunghyun should’ve known it wasn’t going to be that easy. You should never underestimate your opponent. And that was something Seunghyun learned that day, from here on out... you should never underestimate Kwon Jiyong.

It started with the simple things. “Pranks” would be a lighter way of putting it. Crushed poison ivy leaves in his shampoo bottle that made for a torturing rest of the week until his painfully red, swollen scalp healed. Then, there was the liquid ointment or whatever concoction had been dumped on his bed sheets and pillowcase that made for the sleepless nights (but at least he didn’t have to face his night terrors – seems like there was some good in this hell of a week) being even more so than usual, if that was even possible. The substance couldn’t be felt – not at first. But looking through a portable microscope that he had thankfully packed with him, Seunghyun wished he hadn’t looked. His screen showed a surplus of green, meaning the sheets were covered in filth – dirt, bacteria, you name it. But that wasn’t the worst of it. Bedbugs. Fully grown, eggs, nymphs. He had been sleeping on that! Scrubbing until he was red and applying cream everywhere made for a ridiculous site in his ‘bodyguard uniform.’

Seunghyun didn’t have proof as to who did it, but it was painfully obvious if the muffled giggles and snorts coming from Jiyong’s way weren’t telling enough. The little brat. With barely any sleep and sore skin, Seunghyun quietly cleaned up his room – cloraxing, washing and giving it all a deep clean.

He didn’t make mention of it because honestly, how long would Jiyong keep up this pathetic child’s play? Surely he’d soon grow bored and move on in the coming days…

But it had been a couple weeks from that very thought, and despite his strong will, Seunghyun was actually considering quitting. Normally he would stick it out, but it wasn’t just the poison ivy and bed bugs – those apparently seemed to be just the beginning.

Next came the tampered food and drinks, giving Seunghyun serious indigestion and pains. He’d spend hours in the restroom with diaherra and with vomiting. It felt like drill camp all over again...

After spending hours in the scorching heat, weeks with barely passable edible substances for food, and spending more time dirty than clean, it starts to take its toll on people, and the young training soldiers were no exception. Everyone needed some sort of entertainment, something to make them temporarily forget their current misery. So, their sense of ‘fun’ began, and it was like any other regular group of young guys: let’s bully the weakest link for a laugh. It was all teasing and good-natured fun, he guessed... They’d ruffle hair and bro hug it out afterwards, but for Seunghyun, he never quite understood this type of humor? In their defense, Seunghyun wasn’t their usual target – the butt of their jokes or pranks (thank goodness for not being the youngest). But these ‘physical ailments’ resulting in pranks were their way of getting through the months, having a laugh or something ‘not listed on the schedule’; and hey, if you got a sick day out of it, it was kind of like a winning situation...sort of?

Yet, the current situation in the Kwon’s household didn’t feel much like a winning situation. In fact, all it was doing was making all those old memories resurface – the feelings and the pain, being the most prominent. 

As Seunghyun applied the soothing gel to his stomach for the tenth time today, hoping to relieve some of the pain, he heard a knock on his door. 

“Yes?” he managed to groan out as his stomach decided to do a somersault.

“Choi? Are you alright? You don’t sound too good…”

Jiyong. 

To anyone else, it would’ve sounded concerned and full of sympathy, but Seunghyun knew better by now.

Leave it to Kwon Jiyong to make a phrase usually used for sympathy, be used for something akin to a taunt.

“I’m fine. Must’ve been something–” his gut wrenched in pain, “...in the food I ate,” he grunted out, leaning over the toilet to smother some of the pain. 

“Ah, well, I hope you feel better soon… you’ve been sick a lot. Even my parents are beginning to worry if this job is the right fit for you…”

The smirk could be heard through the wooden barrier between the two as Jiyong finished speaking. And the thing was, Jiyong was right. Seunghyun had been sick and pushing on for days now. The effects were bound to show up sooner or later, and the thing was that he wasn’t so sure he could blame this fully on Jiyong… Seunghyun should’ve called a sick day or two to allow himself to be at full health again, but damn his pride! The very thought of Jiyong sitting on an easy victory like that got Seunghyun’s blood boiling. He hadn’t wanted to give in. Somebody in this household had to teach this kid a lesson.

What kind of client tries to kill their own bodyguard, anyways?! 

Besides Jiyong wanting him to leave because of the ‘invasion of his privacy’, Seunghyun couldn’t see why else Jiyong would have this little personal vendetta against him…

Surely, there had to be something else? Because doing all this just because he didn’t like Seunghyun (who he barely knew, mind you) seemed to be a little dramatic. But then again, Jiyong did come across as someone who was pretty dramatic...

What had Seunghyun done to him besides exist, truly?! 

He wanted to ask. Maybe Jiyong had a troublesome past? Maybe he was abused or something? Wasn’t that the usual reason for youths acting out? Not that it excused all Jiyong’s actions because damn it, he didn’t want to leave this earth shitting himself to death!

But the thoughts lingered as he hunched over in pain, sitting on the toilet. Jiyong had long gone away, probably to school with the butler. 

The majority of the rest of the day, Seunghyun spent two steps away from the nearest restroom. 

  
  
  


* * * * *

  
  


By dinnertime, Jiyong and Dami were both home from their activities, and the Kwon parents sat at the large dining room table. And by then, Seunghyun had made himself more presentable and genuinely felt better after releasing half of the contents of his stomach from both ends the past hours. He awkwardly lingered outside the room, waiting for the two siblings to be seated – as it was only “proper” as Mrs. Kwon put it. Dami descended the staircase first, but headed towards the doorway instead of the dining room.

Before Seunghyun could ask her where she was going, Mrs. Kwon appeared at his side, sharply speaking his thoughts aloud. 

“Out with some friends,” Dami answered calmly like she’d done this a thousand times before.

“It’s time for dinner,” Mrs. Kwon persisted, walking towards her.

“I’ll grab something to eat later. Not hungry now. Caoi!”

And Dami was out the door with a fuming mother in tow, shouting all kinds of words. Seunghyun didn’t have time to process what just happened before colliding with another body, making him stagger somewhat. He looked down and lo and behold, there was Kwon’s youngest.

Jiyong was scrambling to stand up, eyebrows knitted in irritation, “Why were you standing at the bottom of the stairwell, you idiot?!” He was brushing the nonexistent dirt off his clothes, which Seunghyun just realized looked similar in fanciness and style to Dami’s. 

“You going out, too?” Seunghyun asked, curiosity piqued.

“What’s it to you?”

Before Seunghyun could answer, Mrs. Kwon re-entered through the doorway after her attempts to retrieve Dami were futile. “And where do you think you’re going – dressed like that?!” 

“I’m going to hang out with some friends.”

“Dressed like a common whore?”

Wow, ok.

Seunghyun looked shocked at the words coming out of the usually prim, composed woman’s mouth, and how she had said nothing of the sort to Dami just moments before, despite Dami’s outfit being way more revealing.

“I’m not dressed like a whore! I’m just going to hang out with friends” the way Jiyong’s voice slightly raised at the end of his sentence, showed Seunghyun that Jiyong wasn’t as unaffected as he was trying to make it out to be. 

Mrs. Kwon approached him and Jiyong slightly flinched. Seunghyun filed that away as a mental note. She started grabbing at his clothes and after heavily criticizing every article, she relented, “Fine, if you wish to go out and do God knows what, then be my guest. But you have to take Seunghyun with you.” Her wicked grin at the unfair proposal got Jiyong and Seunghyun both saying “What?!”

Seunghyun felt like a child again, arguing with a parent about the unfairness of a situation.

“Mother, please! He’s sick – been sick, remember?! He shouldn’t be out tonight!” Jiyong tried to reason, but Mrs. Kwon wouldn’t have it.

Ah, so that explains the poisoned food, Seunghyun thought.

“It’s either bring him or stay home. Your choice,” and she walked away. 

Seunghyun just stood there, trying to understand how someone could go from borderline abusive parenting to ‘just do what you want.’ This family made no sense. A loud stomp brought him back into the present. Ah, right. Jiyong.

“Why do you always have to ruin everything!” It wasn’t a question but a fact in Jiyong’s mind. 

“I’ll stay quiet if it helps,” Seunghyun offered, trying not to look amused at Jiyong’s temper tantrum. But Jiyong only scoffed.

“How exactly does that help?! You’re like 6 feet tall! How is being quiet going to hide the fact that you’re there?!” 

The little pout on Jiyong’s face and his crossed arms didn’t look as ridiculous as it should on someone his age.

As minutes passed with each of them standing there, waiting for the other one to make the next move, Seunghyun decided to be the adult and asked with a sigh, “So, where to tonight?”

“Octagon” Jiyong replied like it was obvious.

Octagon? Like the controversial, high-end club?

“Octagon? Aren’t you a little young for a place like that?”

Jiyong just smirked, “Perks of having older, talented friends,” and he held up a fake ID, “I’ll fit right in. Also, my Father owns this club along with many others – it’s like a free pass.”

The air in which Jiyong spoke was more than enough snobbishness to be naive. Seunghyun could tell that the kid hadn’t ever done something like this before – his overly-confident, dismissive wave of the hand was evidence enough. It was probably his attempt at “being older” or some shit. What ever happened to enjoying the time when you’re young? But I guess Seunghyun had always been too ‘stiff and dull’ to recognize what’s considered “fun” nowadays.

So, yeah, no. Hell to the no he was going to let Jiyong in there – just breathing in the toxic fumes, they were bound to get a STD, especially if the rumors that Seunghyun had heard were true. He’d say no and refuse to allow Jiyong to go (or take him there), but Seunghyun knew that once the kid made up his mind, little could be done to persuade or stop him otherwise. It took glued boots and endless phone alarms throughout the night to finally get Seunghyun to understand this. So, instead, he had half a mind to march into the dining room right now and let Jiyong’s parents know just what their son was up to. Maybe that’d help since they seemed to be the only ones capable of getting through to Jiyong. But something stopped him...Pictures of Jiyong flinching and having a tear stained face flashed across his eyes. 

Damn.

Well, if he wasn’t able to tell the kid’s parents, then the least he could do is make sure the kid was safe. Despite his mind being made up, it didn’t stop Seunghyun from still attempting to convince Jiyong to stay or do anything else besides what he wanted to do.

“Surely there are better places to be. Why a club? Why  _ this  _ club?”

Octagon wasn’t known for having the cleanest history – in the theoretical or literal sense. Multiple lawsuits and ‘problematic’ issues had stemmed from this particular club, and yet still people flocked to its doors every weekend. Any publicity was good publicity, right? Whatever the owners were doing or not doing was keeping their high rollers coming back for more, and Seunghyun wasn’t sure it was  _ honest  _ money. But then again, what was honest nowadays?

He didn’t intend to stick around to find out, much less have the kid there to experience it.

“Come on, don’t be such a sourpuss. It’ll be fun! And if anything goes wrong, you’ll be there. It’s your job of course – to keep me safe, yeah?”

Seunghyun nodded his head.

“Then, what’s the problem? It’s just a club...for one night, maybe a couple hours, who knows? What’s the worst that could happen?”

Oh, Seunghyun hated it when people said that.

  
  


* * * * * 

(Warning: topics of rape and pedophilia mentioned – nothing happens just the topic is brought up)

  
  


Hours later, they arrived at Octagon, and sure enough, Jiyong’s ID somehow held through. It probably helped having a taller menacing shadow behind him, making even the bouncer sweat, but Jiyong and his friends had made it.

Jiyong looked ecstatic, glancing in wonder from left to right – all dopey smiles. He had been navigating through the crowd, dancing with whomever decided to get in his space. And then it happened.

What had Jiyong said again....What’s the worst that could happen?

Seunghyun had lost the kid. That seems to be about the worst that could happen. 

One point he was dancing with a guy much older than him, and then the ‘entertainment’ for the night decided to randomly shower the crowd with powder paint, covering Seunghyun’s view with a cloud of thick, colored smoke. 

Fuck.

He rubbed his eyes, trying to get rid of the hazy feeling slowly overcoming him. What was in that fucking powder? All the noise seemed to be going in and out of his head and ears. It didn’t seem too loud anymore. Bodies pressed against him or shoved passed, trying to get past his tall, built form. The low buzz and mellow beat of the speakers echoed inside his head. Bits and pieces of his memory started to whizz past his eyes – frightened eyes, blown limbs, black smoke. Seunghyun shook his head to try to get rid of it all. That was a mistake.

Agh, Seunghyun held his head, feeling a raging headache coming on to what he could only assume was from a possible large dosage of whatever drug they showered the crowd with. It must have been a drug he didn’t have tolerance to? And Seunghyun had tolerance to many kinds – illegal and legal, hence the reason for medication not working for shit on his busted leg. However, this drug seemed to take the edge off the pain seering from his leg. Interesting. He closed his eyes and timed his breath…in and out...focus on that distant memory...

Opening his eyes, Seunghyun heard the music clearly, voices shouting and bodies grinding. 

He was back. And so was the familiar tugging of pain.

Sweat came down in beads across his forehead. Yeah, he wasn’t staying around for round two. Whatever was in that stuff couldn’t be healthy (or safe) and most definitely should not be thrown around in clouds over these crowds of people. As he looked in the crowd, he saw the slow, drunk sway of the people, probably too drugged up to tell their right from their left. He needed to get out of here – he couldn’t protect properly if he could barely get a handle on reality. He knew this had been a bad idea from the moment Jiyong held up that fake ID… Wait, Jiyong!

In his moment of weakness, he’d lost sight of the direction he saw the older man take, probably tugging along Jiyong. With a growl, Seunghyun stood up, grasping a nearby rail – nearly falling over a woman passing by.

“Hey, handsome. Where you off to?”

Seunghyun ignored the flirtatious comment, intent on finding the kid, who no doubt was way out of his depth.

“You’ve seen him?” Seunghyun’s voice sounded gruff as he held up a picture of Jiyong smiling.

The woman looked at the picture, and slurred, “Hm, had a feelin’ a good lookin’ guy like you swung that way – they all do... but he’s a cutie. I could see why you like him.” The purr in his ear from her getting in his space pissed him off. Stepping back and levelling a glare, Seunghyun repeated his question more firmly, “I said have you seen him? The direction he went? He was with an older man about this tall” Seunghyun motioned to a height a little shorter than himself “with a leather jacket and a grey mullet.” 

The woman, after seeing that the invitation for something more was getting nowhere, thankfully decided to be useful, sobering up quickly, “Yeah, I’ve seen him. About 20 or so minutes ago? He was in the crowd and then walked that way towards the rooms.” To Seunghyun’s horror, she was pointing to the VIP exclusive rooms. “Take my advice and stay clear away from that creep. Might get’ya in trouble someday by association.” The ‘why’ must have shown so clearly on his face because she answered without hesitation, “he’s one of  _ those  _ types...where their partners look a little  _ too  _ young for ‘em – if you catch my meaning.” And he had heard enough – that was all he needed to hear. Seunghyun quickly thanked her and shoved his way towards the pointed direction. It had been 20 minutes?! Who knew what could’ve happened in between that time!

Seunghyun dashed and when he made it to the desk, he panted out the description of Jiyong, asking for the room he was in. Unfortunately, due to club policy, they wouldn’t reveal their customer’s whereabouts or information. After he had nagged enough, practically begging, the worker had the security detail attempt to escort this ‘hysterical ex-lover’ out. Seunghyun wasn’t having it though – after a thrown elbow here and a headbutt there, Seunghyun reached over the counter, grabbing the worker by the collar. The frightened eyes of the worker were brought close to Seunghyun’s fuming face. He spoke slow and too steady for someone who had just taken on a group of guards, telling the worker that Jiyong was underage and so help him, if they don’t reveal his room now, he’ll have them up for facilitating rape and practicing illegal drug usage.

That shut them up quickly as if one of those were in fact true. And dialing away, they finally handed him the card for the room.

Half a minute later, Seunghyun made it to the room. He tried the door. It was locked. Panic seeped in. Then he heard a noise through the door. That’s it, Seunghyun thought, and with all his weight, he kicked open the door. And the first thing to greet Seunghyun’s view was a big, intimidating body over Jiyong’s smaller frame.

Seunghyun saw red.

The rest of what happened was a blur. A scuffle then groans and grunts of pain could be heard as Seunghyun grabbed the elder man by the collar and threw him at the wall. 

“What the fuck, man?! I think you dislocated my shoulder–”

“Shut it,” Seunghyun hissed. He looked over at Jiyong, taking in the rumpled clothes and red lips, but surprisingly, looking pissed off.

Seunghyun ignored the kid and turned his focus on the hurt man on the floor, “What were you going to do to him?” he pointed to Jiyong on the bed and Jiyong had the decency to at least look embarrassed. 

“What do you think, Bond?” a perverted smirk replaced the pained look on the man’s face. The returned furrowed brows made the older man on the floor sigh, “Oh, you know, we were just going to have a nice, lovely chat about…”

“Don’t fuckin’ mock me,” Seunghyun cut in, pulling him off the floor by the collar.

“What the hell do you bring someone in here for besides to have sex?! There I said it! Is that clear enough to get through to your thick skull?!”

“And you’re okay with adding assaulting and raping a minor onto your long list of crimes committed?”

“Minor– what? And what do you know about me?! Nothing, you’re a freak!”

“I know you well enough – know your type.”

“Fuck you, you know nothing! And I’m doing nothing with a minor. He’s” he pointed at Jiyong, “like 19 or 20 – last I checked, that’s not illegal!”

“Last I checked, it was a fake ID. But you’re used to that sort of thing, aren’t you?”

The suddenly pale look that came across the man’s face wasn’t gratifying in the slightest because it seemed to be more for the fact that he’d been caught rather than for Jiyong being a minor.

Jiyong groaned and threw himself back in the bed, hands running across his face in annoyance. 

“Look, you a cop?! I didn’t know– I swear! I mean he looks really young, but so do most people I hook up with! That’s not wrong to have a type! And how was I supposed to know with him being here in the club for adults? He was more than willing, and one would only assume–”

“Would you just shut up?” Seunghyun interrupted, “I recommend high tailing it out of here before I call the cops on your ass. And steering clear of this ‘type’ from now on, you hear?” Seunghyun pulled the man closer to his face, “Because who knows how many of these ‘types’ you’ve probably been with,” the disgust clear on Seunghyun’s face at the man’s poorly disguised preference for minors. And like that, the man was booking it, jacket half on and pants still unzipped.

“Are you okay?” Seunghyun turned his focus on the quiet party in the room after the other man’s abrupt exit.

“Does it look like I’m okay?”

Seunghyun frowned and tilted his head in confusion at Jiyong’s noticeably rising anger.

“Why are you upset with me?”

“Why else would I be upset with you?!”

Seunghyun’s mind automatically went to the worst. Of course! He probably had been too late, and that vile–

“You always ruin everything…”

ME?! 

Seunghyun was bewildered at Jiyong’s response.

“ME?! I ruin everything?! Jiyong, do you have any idea–”

“Of course I did! I’m not stupid!” Jiyong interrupted, crossing his arms and then sat up. Then he huffed again and levelled Seunghyun with his signature glare, “Did it ever occur to you that I  _ wanted  _ to do this?”

The blank expression on Seunghyun’s face was telling, “Of course not. Because just like everyone else you  _ assumed _ that you knew what was best for me! And did it your own way…”

“I was just trying to protect you,” Seunghyun murmured, trying to reason.

“Well, I’m not sure how you haven’t realized this yet, but I don’t want your protection! I don’t need your protection! I didn’t ask for it! I never did!” Jiyong’s shouts rang in Seunghyun’s ears, and despite how bratty he sounded, the falling tears that came down Jiyong’s face made Seunghyun’s heart hurt. Here he was supposed to be protecting him, yet he was making him cry…

Just like everyone else.

“Damn it,” Jiyong said, wiping his face roughly and seeming to glare at his hands now stained with his fresh tears. Seunghyun approached with a handkerchief, “Thanks,” came the mumbling reply.

“I’m sorry for assuming, Jiyong, but you left me with no choice. You disappeared in a drugged up crowd with a stronger, older man in tow. What was I to think? That you’d gone on your own free will or that you were being forced?”

No reply came, so Seunghyun continued.

“One moment you were dancing and the next you were gone. On an experience level, I don’t know this place nor the people. But I know of the type – of the reputation. The only reason I even allowed for you to go ‘have fun’ as you put it” Seunghyun used air quotes to emphasize his point, “was because I would be here watching over you. I wasn’t informed of your motives or plans, so how can I be expected to adhere to them?”

“Because I knew you would say no”

“Damn right I’d say no,” Seunghyun was trying so hard not to parent this kid. He was only his bodyguard after all, and truly he wasn’t that much older than Jiyong himself. But damn it, the kid’s parents were good for nothing shits that didn’t even deserve their title. Weren’t parents supposed to protect their children? Don’t you protect the ones you love? And Jiyong was someone that you could tell lacked parenting and thus the expected protection that usually came with it. So, Seunghyun continued his words, struggling to not sound too harsh, “Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to do what you did?”

“It would have only been once, and I had everything under control…” The discouraged, wilting look that was on Jiyong’s face brought back so many painful memories for Seunghyun.

“And once is all it takes,” Seunghyun was really getting worked up now and maybe a tad dramatic for someone he really barely knew, “Then you’ve got to worry about STDs, and next, the following criminal charges dragging not only your name but your family name in the mud despite you not being the perpetrator…” 

“I knew you wouldn’t understand…” Jiyong’s words trailed off, sounding small and more defeated, if that were possible.

What?

“Understand what?” Seunghyun asked, confused at the change of direction in their discussion – the previous rant clung to his throat.

“Do you really want to understand or are you simply asking so that you can say you’ve asked for my side of the story and move on?”

Jiyong’s words cut deep, but they stemmed from truth and past burns.

Fair enough.

“I’m asking to understand, Jiyong. Truly.” And Seunghyun sat on the edge of the bed to not look so menacing. That seemed to put Jiyong at ease. 

“I’m the youngest everywhere I go… at home and at school. And it’s always the same thing directed at me: I’m too young for this, have never done that – to understand, to join in – whatever it is. No matter if I’m the smartest in class, the most popular – I’m always short of something… It’s never enough... I wanted it to be different this time around – this year...”

Seunghyun sat there and listened to Jiyong speak and fiddle with the ugly ruffles on the comforter. He looked nervous, but thankfully it was the kind of shy or embarrassed nervousness rather than the fearful nervousness that Seunghyun had grown accustomed to seeing Jiyong have in his expression as of late.

“It’s just so embarrassing being the only one in the group that hasn’t done it…”

Seunghyun blinked, realizing that he had accidentally spaced out for the majority of Jiyong’s confessional.

“Done what?”

Jiyong huffed in annoyance and whined, yet still managing to fix Seunghyun with an exasperated look, “Are you really going to make me spell it out for you? You can’t be that dense.”

The red cheeks and attempting to cover his face with the comforter was telling.

Oh.

_ Oh _ .

Thankfully, enough language and stories told around a group of soldiers that would even make a sailor blush, allowed for Seunghyun to keep a straight face when he spoke next – like this was a topic he was used to talking about with young strangers who ‘swung the other way’, “So, you planned on losing your virginity...here...out of all places,” Seunghyun looked around the room, “with some ugly geezer of all people…”

Ok, maybe that was a little too blunt. And Seunghyun was about sixty-five percent sure it came out wrong, too. He never really was much of a talker – and at this moment, it was desperately showing.

“Well, when you say it like that it sounds stupid,” Jiyong whined, surprisingly not mad despite the red blush reaching all the way to his ears.

“Jiyong, it  _ is  _ stupid.”

All Seunghyun got was a huff and a small pout.

“I just wanted it to be exciting, you know? The story. That I’d have something special...cool to talk about just like everybody else. Maybe gain some respect or recognition, you know? And this place, with someone older, seemed to fit, I guess. That seemed to be what everyone was talking about, anyways.” A shrug of the shoulders hiding his real feelings, “I mean.. There weren’t many interested... to begin with...ugh, what am I even saying?” he trailed off, looking down at his lap in frustration.

The “weren’t interested  _ in me _ ” went unspoken. 

Seunghyun should’ve recognized the disheartened tone as it was, but like usual, he’d always been a bit slow on the emotional side of things. Because the look Seunghyun must have given Jiyong in response caused him to look down in his lap.

“See, I knew you wouldn’t understand,” and the kid looked even more vulnerable, having opened up his heart to receive a blank stare in return. 

But a blank stare was all Seunghyun could offer at the moment.

Seunghyun truly wanted to understand, but he had a hard time doing so. It was like Jiyong was bipolar or something. One moment he was furious, lashing out at Seunghyun and the next he was timid and needing constant reassurance and attention. Maybe this was just how kids were? Seunghyun couldn’t remember – it’d been a long time since he ever had to spend this much alone time with a kid… or someone like Jiyong.

Their very different lived experiences were metaphorically bumping heads as Seunghyun pieced all this information together. And excuse him for not feeling  _ completely  _ moved by someone who  _ willingly  _ made his pitiful life hell for weeks on end. Advice he could give, he supposed, but empathetic feelings...well, that was a lot harder. Seunghyun was no saint to automatically forgive and forget either.

So, let’s see…

Jiyong wanted to ‘gain respect’ from his friends by sleeping with old men? How was that ‘special’? No matter how Seunghyun spun it, he simply didn’t understand this mentality – it just seemed so… desperate? So  **not** fitting of the Jiyong he’d sort of gotten to know. And what kind of friends did this kid have that would encourage this behavior? Losing his virginity – which really wasn’t Seunghyun’s business – was up to Jiyong, Seunghyun supposed, but surely, he could’ve picked someone younger and not predatory? How is sleeping with that pig of a man, special in any way? Wouldn’t being with someone younger still hold the ‘exciting’ factor Jiyong was looking for? And why was Jiyong wanting to broadcast his sex life to everyone at school? Seunghyun had always been a very private person, so maybe this was merely the change in times? Maybe the world had changed more than Seunghyun realized...

Ugh, why is this so complicated…

All these thoughts swarmed in his brain, and Jiyong was still sitting there. Quiet, picking at the ruffles. Seunghyun couldn’t believe he was having this conversation with someone who was basically his employer. Sure, he was a kid, but it didn’t change the fact that this same kid also had given him hell these past few weeks. Jiyong was like a ticking time bomb of emotions and personalities – Seunghyun was still trying to figure out the basics.

Also, he wasn’t this kid’s father, brother – heck, they weren’t even related nor knew each other that well. So, why did he have to be the one in this situation? He had no idea how to approach this – no experience whatsoever with comforting or giving advice like this. He’d always been more of a quiet person – a follower. A whole lot of thoughts and very few words. But now he was expected to parent or have heart-to-heart chats? What was the right thing to do? To say? Well, when in doubt, be honest, that was what Seunghyun had grown up with – treat others how you would want to be treated, or something like that. And Seunghyun had always appreciated raw honesty in his life – most of it found while he served. To him, it showed that they cared enough to speak up – that the same body that would kick your ass and smack the shit out of you when you fucked up would also bring you into a warm hug and comfort you when you were at your lowest. Also, he figured that was probably the safest option and one he was less likely to fuck up. Rather, than lying to him or worse, condoning the kid’s rash decisions.

Honesty it is then.

“Pray tell what I’m missing from this situation then? Because how I see it is you wanted to fit in at school, so you decided to take drastic measures like go someplace unsanitary in order to have unprotected sex with a pedophile. And then that would somehow allow you to receive recognition from these bad influences that you call friends. That about sums it up, right?”

Seunghyun had spoken this in his usual matter of fact way.

But from Jiyong’s expression, that might’ve been the wrong thing to say and especially the wrong way to say it. 

Yep, definitely the wrong thing to say.

Maybe it was a tad harsh?

Ugh, whatever. Too late to back out now. And it was Seunghyun’s true feelings on the matter...

“Are you always this blunt?” Jiyong had winced at his words, and his frown was reaching his eyes.

“Yes.”

“This mean?”

“Being blunt isn’t mean.”

“Yes it is.”

“No it’s not.”

“You can be blunt without being rude.”

“I wasn’t being rude. I was being honest.”

“Oh my god! You’re–ughh ” Jiyong groaned and threw himself back onto his bed.

The silence that stretched afterwards seemed forever.

“Did he do anything to you?” Seunghyun broke the silence, hating how uncertain he sounded.

The bark of laughter that erupted from Jiyong startled Seunghyun, “Anything? You’re going to have to specify, Choi, if you want the answer you’re looking for.”

“Did he, you know–”

“Take my virginity? No, he didn’t. No thanks to you. And it’s not like it’s all a big deal geez… majority of people lose it before they’re 20 or something?” Jiyong interrupted sitting up once more on the bed, acting like he knew exactly what he was talking about.

Then, he asked, “Why are you so concerned anyways? Did something like this happen to you?” 

His question was sincere – innocent even. And it was logical. Yes, it was said somewhat snarkily, but that was just… well, Jiyong. Seunghyun could’ve easily answered: ‘Anyone would be concerned, Jiyong. It’s only natural to care for someone’s safety’ or perhaps even, ‘it’s my job’. Basically, anything would have sufficed. And yet… apparently, Seunghyun just...couldn’t? They had entered uncomfortable territory, which made Seunghyun’s skin itch – flashing memories bleeding only when his eyes were shut, now came back to haunt him despite his eyes being wide open. 

Seunghyun didn’t like where this discussion was going.

“Let’s just get out of here,” Seunghyun stood up as he answered curtly.

“Uh uh. No! You aren’t allowed to do that!” Something vulnerable – unguarded – flashed across the boy’s eyes as he said this, like he’d been in this position too many times before. Seunghyun should’ve registered this – should’ve– 

Instead, Seunghyun’s eyes flashed as he looked down, meeting dark eyes. He was not taking orders from a spoiled brat, especially this particular spoiled brat. He was sick of it. He was not opening up to someone who he  _ knew  _ would use it against him later when he saw fit. He was tired of having to tiptoe then later be walked all over. He was  _ this  _ close to snapping...

“You don’t get to ask personal questions about me or pry into my life, then close up when I ask them back. That’s unfair!”

This was the Jiyong he had come to know: bratty, angry and accusing.

“I didn’t force you to answer them. You did that all on your own,” Seunghyun cooly said as he picked up Jiyong’s jacket from the floor and other belongings. He had hoped the conversation would end there, but Jiyong was not one to be intimidated – ever the one to have to have the last word. 

“That’s bullshit, Choi, and you know it!” Jiyong’s emotions were everywhere, and he had stood up now, shouting – getting a bit  _ too  _ comfortable in his rage, might Seunghyun add. And then something snapped inside him. Seunghyun didn’t know if it was the words or the tone or if it was just Jiyong being the one that had said them. Whatever it was, Seunghyun’s pent up frustration and tiredness did not help, for an anger he had long kept at bay was slowly rising to the surface – boiling, waiting to be released.

And then part of it did.

“Bullshit or not, I’m your bodyguard!” Seunghyun bellowed, abruptly turning around to face the reason for his uncharacteristic anger, “I’m supposed to know about you – I’m supposed to ask about you! That’s how I protect you, kid – Damn it! I’m only supposed to put up with your bullshit 15 hours a day, and yet I’m doing 24! I don’t sleep, I barely eat – no thanks to you – yet  _ now  _ you want to ask about my personal life?! I took this job to gain back whatever dignity I had left, but no! Here I am babysitting a spoiled brat who won’t listen to sound advice; who knows nothing of hard work or real sacrifice – who’s become so much of a burden–”

Seunghyun stopped short of his words. Eyes suddenly going wide at what he had just said – the scene right in front of his very eyes.

Jiyong’s body was softly shaking no doubt from the shouting. His brown eyes clouded in tears, lip trembling as the words cut like a knife from someone who was supposed to protect him.

Seunghyun hadn’t meant to say those things. He didn’t mean them. 

“Fuck you, Choi Seunghyun. Fuck you!” And Jiyong was out the door, rubbing at his eyes, leaving Seunghyun there staring at the place where Jiyong used to be.

Goddammit, Choi! Now look what you’ve done!

He hadn’t meant them, truly. He would never say– 

But you did, his brain told him.

Oh,  _ now  _ my brain decides to work, Seunghyun thought bitterly.

Seunghyun punched the wall in anger, leaving an impressive hole and bloodied knuckles. And this is why he barely spoke. He never said the right thing, in the right way, or at the right time. 

He was so tired and so frustrated. Maybe he wasn’t cut out for this job? Being with younger people – kids – he just screwed everything up all the time, anyways. Running his hands through his hair as he paced the now vacant room, Seunghyun’s mind was going a mile a minute. He knew he needed to go after the kid, protecting him was his job after all (even though he was doing a mighty terrible job at it as of right now) – but more importantly, he needed to apologize. His mouth – his mouth always got him into trouble. He remembered what his grandfather used to say, “That little mouth of yours is going to put you in a whole heap of trouble if you don’t learn to cap it, boy.”

And damn was he right. He managed to fuck up his job and fuck up someone else in the process – someone young and curious. Jiyong had asked a simple question that anyone in their right mind would’ve asked. And even if the kid had meant it viciously (which Seunghyun was now pretty sure he did not) that didn’t excuse Seunghyun’s behavior. He should’ve known better than to take out all his anger and frustrations on a kid. It’s not the boy’s fault Seunghyun’s fucked up and wired differently than everyone else. That Seunghyun had issues he refused to see or confide in with anyone.

Seunghyun didn’t even know where to start now. He had always been bad at apologizing, and he hadn’t had to in so many years. You apologized when you did something wrong and especially when you wished to make amends. And Seunghyun had never felt the need to ‘make amends’ with anyone in a long while – in fact, he hadn’t given a damn about anyone in awhile. But that kid – that kid he barely knew, with the sad eyes and mischievous smile, was getting under his skin awfully fast…

“Apologizin’ ain’t hard, Hyun. You walk up, say ‘I’m sorry I’m a fuck up with monkey balls for brains, and ask if they’ll forgive your pathetic ass. And you gotta mean it! Don’t do all that schemin’ and shit – that’s just cruel, you here? Then you take whatever answer they give and walk away, knowin’ you did your mama proud.”

Now where did that come from? Why did he think about that memory all of a sudden?

Seunghyun smiled despite himself. Because he knew why. It had been the last ‘real’ apology he had ever had to give – to one of his best pals, too. That was before… before...

The smile went away at that.

Sighing, Seunghyun pulled himself together and walked out of the room. The club was still going – loud and hot. In a flash, Seunghyun worried that Jiyong had tried to find someone else for the night, and his eyes frantically searched the floor. 

“Your little cutie’s not here, love”

Seunghyun turned to see the woman who had helped him earlier.

“Where did he go?”

“Outside I suppose. Heard what you did with the old fool – good for you,” she winked, “But also heard about what you said to the boy – tsk, not so good for you,” and responded with a little shake of her head in disapproval.

“I know. I shouldn’t have– I was wrong.”

“I don’t think I’m the one that needs to hear that right now. Don’t you think, handsome?” Her knowing grin and sparkling eyes actually managed a small, genuine smile from Seunghyun’s lips.

“So, he does smile.”

And a bigger one at that.

“Thank you. You’ve been a bigger help tonight than you’ve realized. I didn’t think I’d find it– uh, I didn’t mean–”

Her raised hand, signalled for him to stop, “In a place like this, yeah, I know. No harm done. I knew what you meant. But seriously, you’ve got to learn how to talk, honey. Your good looks only get you so far.”

Her advice came with a knowing look like she had meant it for more than just their current conversation.

Their shared laughter and his nodding in agreement ended this short conversation, and Seunghyun was exiting the club – steering clear from the security and spontaneous fogs of unknown substances.

As he approached the Kwon’s assigned vehicle, Seunghyun saw a thin, lone figure waiting beside it.

It was Jiyong.

Of course, Seunghyun thought dumbly. The kid had no way back home besides through Seunghyun.

It had dropped in temperature and the poor kid was wearing a tank and tight skinny jeans. Seunghyun should’ve come out sooner. Man, there seems to be a lot of ‘should’ve’s he should’ve done tonight...

With a resigned sigh, Seunghyun approached and he would’ve laughed at how nervous he was. All he had to do was apologize to this kid not take down a battalion. Yet, here he was, standing a couple feet away, nervous as hell.

How did he even bring up the topic again? Should he? Or maybe start with ‘sorry’? How did he even make it sound genuine? Should he show some physical affection? Seunghyun was way out of his element, dealing with teenagers – children, even. He didn’t have a younger sibling. Never had to babysit or have long encounters with youths. He’d had comrades – and he’s pretty sure he wasn’t close enough to Jiyong to treat him like he had treated them – and he kind of didn’t want to.

“I’m cold.”

Huh?

“Can I have my jacket back, please?”

Oh, the jacket.

Wait. This was the perfect opportunity! This was Seunghyun’s opening…

“Here.” But instead of covering Jiyong in his leather jacket, Seunghyun had taken his own thicker, wool peacoat off to set atop Jiyong’s bare shoulders.

“I asked for my jacket–”

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” Jiyong whirled around, surprised to hear Seunghyun’s voice in an unsteady whisper.

“I’m sorry,” Seunghyun spoke a little louder, head lifting up to meet the other’s gaze, and he wasn’t surprised to see everything but sympathy.

“Hmph, sorry for what exactly? The unnecessary attacks on my character, which by the way, you’ve no right to discuss as I’m  _ your  _ superior – as you’ve so kindly reminded me time and time again! Or perhaps it was your freak episode? Acting like I was questioning your existence instead of asking a simple question, geez–”

Jiyong turned his head sideways in defiance.

“Everything.”

“Well, everything isn’t going to cut it. You’ve hurt me, maybe not physically but you still hurt me, which as I’m sure you know is against the rules given to you by my mother. So, you can say goodbye to your job, and can start packing your things when we get home.” The harsh tone in which Jiyong spoke felt deserving, so Seunghyun accepted it. He had called Jiyong ‘spoiled’ among other things, so that’s how Jiyong was acting – exactly how he was expected to.

“It was my sister.”

The cold mask cracked, and for a second, Jiyong’s eyes shone with concern. But it was gone just as fast.

“What are you going on about now?! Didn’t you hear? You’re fired!”

As Jiyong shouted that, a car light drove past, shining on Seunghyun’s face. Now lit up, Seunghyun was sure Jiyong could see the tear streaming down his face yet Seunghyun’s eyes remained masked behind an invisible curtain – not showing any emotion.

“What about her?” Seunghyun knew Jiyong had seen it when he had said this, because the response was calmer – gentler.

“You were right. It’s unfair to ask someone else to share personal parts about themselves if I’m unwilling to do the same. You had asked why I was so concerned? That’s my ‘why.’ It’s because of her.”

“What happened to her?” You could tell Jiyong was hesitant to ask any more questions, not knowing if it would somehow once again trigger Seunghyun’s loose fury and his unfiltered mouth.

“I-I lost her. I couldn’t save her… couldn’t protect her…”

Seunghyun saw the confusion on Jiyong’s face, but he couldn’t say anything else as the memories came in waves – pushing past his last defense. It was as if they were right in front of him, becoming his reality.

  
  
  


* * * * *

  
  


**(Flashback)**

[Warning: Mentions/minor depictions of rape and suicide – because of the understandable sensitivity of these issues, I thought adding this warning here was needed. You may skip this part, and the story would still make sense. If you do decide to proceed, do so with these things in mind]

  * Note: The scenes of both **end** and **begin** with “💔” 



  
  
  
  


Seunghyun had been an only child. Supposed to be the ‘man’ in the family ever since his father decided that all his family ever did was drag him down, tie him down – not worth the effort. But Seunghyun had moved on from that, he didn’t need him – they didn’t need him. Seunghyun would provide for his family, be the protector – because that’s what was expected of him.

Throughout the years as he’d grown, Seunghyun looked like he should’ve been two grades ahead. With his height and his weight, it was hard  _ not  _ to stare. He was intimidating, and he knew it. Seunghyun himself was rather shy and quiet, he didn’t like being the center of attention. But he got used to it. His body didn’t exactly let him blend in or sink low in his seat when the teacher wanted to call on somebody. Wasn’t given that luxury, yet it wasn’t like he greatly suffered from all of this. Sure, he didn’t have many friends growing up because everyone was either too scared of him or thought he wasn’t worth their time. However, with his appearance came some good things, he guessed? Like being left alone with his own thoughts or being, strangely enough, a safe place for those around him? 

It must’ve started when Seunghyun had stopped a group of bullies from beating up one of the newer kids. They reminded him of his no-good-rotten father, and as soon as Seunghyun’s deeper voice and bigger body came into the picture, they were gone. Word must’ve spread because the attention became more. But this time, it was good attention. “Gentle Giant” they had called him, and Seunghyun didn’t know what to do with that. But he found himself strangely enjoying his last year in middle school. 

Funny how different things can end compared to where they started from.

Perhaps it was also because that’s what Seunghyun’s Mother had told him what he was to her: safe. Later, Seunghyun came to the realization that he liked being depended on – liked being people’s ‘safe place’ – their protector. It gave him a sense of purpose and helped him form an identity that he long been bereft of. All these emotions spun in his head as memories while Seunghyun walked to his high school – the first day. And after being shoved out the door that morning with a “you will go to school, Choi Seunghyun” by his mother – for all the world to see, he decided that day he would take advantage of his appearance. 

No more shy Seunghyun. No more silent Seunghyun. The Seunghyun who didn’t participate or do anything for fear of what people would talk about. No more fear of the unknown.

It was time to accept himself as he was and finally do what he wanted to do – maybe try out for sports, look at the clubs…

And that was the week she came along.

No bigger than a minute, wicked smart (moved up two grades), beautiful, and oh, did Seunghyun forget to mention? Also, his sister.

She had been adopted into the Choi family a year after their father left. Seunghyun liked to think that fighting for this little girl had kept his mother out of depression. The paperwork and process had been grueling, but his mother was determined. She’d come from the foster care system, but she never talked about it but who could blame her? With the stories Seunghyun heard, he was almost glad she didn’t. She never could quite fit in and maybe that was because of it? Maybe it was because she looked so different from everyone else that lived near them? Or perhaps it was the way she talked or acted? Regardless, she’d come to live with them – chosen them, accepted them – a big smile and overly-clingy hugs.

Seunghyun couldn’t have asked for more. He loved his little sister at first glance, immediately accepting her into the family. He enjoyed her personality – she had brought light back into their dark, dreary home.

And now, he’s returning the brutally tight hug, smothering her giggles. And with her accent, she sweetly whispered:

“I love you, brother”

Seunghyun’s insides melted from the warmth and innocence, “Love you too, little bee.”

And she huffed at the nickname, smacking him lightly on the arm, “Aish! Don’t call me that! I thought we decided to let that die a long time ago.”

Seunghyun could only smile at her cute pout, “Not my fault Mom’s nickname for you is ‘Honey Bee’,” she tried to look angry at that and Seunghyun laughed, “If you’re trying to look intimidating, you’re seriously failing!”

That started some sort of loose wrestling fight, then a kitchen towel fight – and man, did she pack a mean amount of strength when she was riled up.

Needless to say, they were inseparable as they grew up together. She had accepted Seunghyun for who he was as he had accepted her. As time went on, Seunghyun slimmed up a bit and she grew more beautiful. They played the latest video games together for hours on end, then would steal extra snacks from the pantry without Mom knowing. They told each other everything – two antisocial nobodies who had each other, or that’s what she liked to call them.

One would think that the start of high school would change things, but it didn’t really. From the first day and counting, she stuck to Seunghyun’s side like glue, and despite how he teased her, he found he didn’t mind. She liked to use him as a body shield against the world, and it made Seunghyun smile in fondness. Whenever they walked to school together or were seen together, they made quite a sight!

His tall, large frame walking behind her bouncy, petite one.

This was the first day for her as well at the high school since she had been homeschooled the time prior. She was excited and Seunghyun was, too. Her being there meant he had a friend – someone to make these next years more comfortable and memorable. She was like a magnet for him – a bright light that made everything better wherever they went.

Except Seunghyun wasn’t the only one who thought that, too.

With her entrance into the high school, came many, new eyes. Many new faces. All who wanted a piece of her, too. And Seunghyun wasn’t selfish – he knew she was something special. He knew that everyone would want to meet her, be friends with her. If anyone could understand that, then it was Seunghyun. And the thing was, she seemed excited to meet new people, too. It made Seunghyun a little bitter, but he tried not to let it show.

Just because she was his only friend didn’t mean she had to see him the same way.

At least she still walked with him to and from school – waiting until his practice was finished before hopping over with a “Brother! Ready to go?”

Everything was as expected. She became popular – everyone loved her – her kindness, her energy… and Seunghyun tried out a couple clubs and a sport or two, yet once again, mainly keeping to himself. Everything was fine. Until it wasn’t.

Maybe it was his naturally protective nature or it was just him being possessive...

But she got a boyfriend.

One of the stuck up jocks. Seunghyun’s nose crinkled in disgust when she was telling their mother at the dinner table just how ‘great’ this guy was – how much he was changing for her. The same guy who had shoved the new kid’s head down a dirty, used toilet just last week. Yeah. So much change.

But she was convinced.

And surprisingly, they dated for way longer than Seunghyun expected – maybe half a year? Before he broke it off because he just ‘can’t do this anymore.’

Whatever the fuck that means.

And Seunghyun had to pick up the pieces of his little sister’s broken heart. Everything came in flows – her tears and her words. She told him about them, or what used to be ‘them.’ She talked about her past, too, which surprised Seunghyun. Why now? She said the last home she’d been in, something similar like this happened where she had fallen for one of the boys next door only to be screwed over the next month. Next came the stories about more… disturbing things. She said maybe they had broken up with her because she didn’t want to ‘do’ it with them. The two homes prior to her last, the foster-father had been a little too touchy with her. It had made her uncomfortable. She rarely cried – was rarely sad, and it broke Seunghyun. How could the world be so cruel to someone so pure? She didn’t say what else happened, but if the empty look in her eyes said anything – it was pretty clear what the bastards had done to her. 

“They didn’t go  _ that  _ far… probably because they didn’t want any trouble…”

“It’s not your fault” she gave Seunghyun a  _ look _ , “Don’t, Bee. It’s not. Screw them then... and screw that sad excuse for a now ex-boyfriend!”

Seunghyun’s voice must’ve carried because his mother shouted from below the stairs to “Shut it, Choi! It’s almost midnight!”

But Seunghyun didn’t mind the scolding because it got her to smile – to laugh. The brightness glistening in her eyes once more, if only a flicker. It might not have fixed everything, but for now, it was enough.

“What would I do without you, Seunghyun?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Probably not be as antisocial?”

Her laughs mixed with his, and after a while they died down.

“Thank you for trusting me with this.”

She looked at him funny like she didn’t understand why he was thanking her.

“I mean… it takes a lot of courage to say all of this.”

She smiled. Seunghyun opened his arms for a hug and she dove in.

“I hate all boys.”

“What am I then?”

“My sister, of course.”

Seunghyun choked on his laughter at her deadpanned response.

“Then I’ll be the best ‘sister’ there is.”

She cackled. “What? I’m serious!” She laughed again.

They sat there in silence, chewing on their prepared snacks. Until Seunghyun broke the silence.

“If he gives you any trouble at school tomorrow, you just let me know and I’ll mess him up real bad.”

She giggled, “And get expelled for it?”

“You know I would. No one hurts my family and gets away with it.”

“I can only trust you, Seunghyun... and of course, mom, too.”

“That’s right.” Seunghyun said like it was obvious, then with a more serious tone, he added, “And I’ll always be there to protect you, little bee.”

“Always?”

“Always... with chocolate sprinkles on top” and he said this while sprinkling them onto her small ice cream bowl. Her responding smile was all he needed to know that he had said and done the right thing.

But ‘always’ is never ‘always’, and promises are easier said than kept.

  
  
  


* * * * *

  
  


“Bee, I just don’t think you should go tonight…”

It had been years since that last heartbreaking confession, and all this time, Seunghyun never forgot. How could he? He had always made sure to keep an eye on her, you know, just in case. Always letting her know when something just didn’t  _ feel  _ right. Sure it was probably insufferable, but she was safe. And to Seunghyun, that’s all that mattered.

“Seunghyun, you’re always saying that,” she whined, “since the start of freshman year to our last year…”

“I’m just concerned for you is all.”

“Well, you needn’t be. I’m perfectly fine. Thank you for being caring enough to be so protective, but it’s just a party.. It’s for the school’s dance, I highly doubt anyone is going to try anything with all those teachers and parents there.”

“I know, but you know it’s only natural to worry.”

“Well, I wish you wouldn’t. This isn’t the first time you kept me from doing something fun because you had ‘uncertain feelings’” she expressed with annoyance. 

“Tsk.. I hardly call the last drugged up parties ‘fun.’” Seunghyun had used bunny ears to emphasize his point.

“Seunghyun, you know what I meant!” she scoffed, somewhat amusedly, “Anyways, if it bothers you that much, then why don’t you come?”

Seunghyun shifted awkwardly under her stare.

“See,” she said, “we always talk about me, but what about you? You worry and protect me  _ from  _ fun while you intentionally steer away from fun!”

She said this in a joking manner with serious eyes, something only Bee could do.

“Why must I have the same experiences as you? Can’t I have fun? Can’t I make good memories… to replace all my bad ones…”

“Now that’s unfair, Bee, and you know it,” Seunghyun scolded at her trying to pull the ‘I told you my terrible past and I want to be able to replace them with good memories but you won’t let me because you’re a boring, overprotective brother’ card, regardless if it was somewhat true. Okay, mostly true. Alright, all true.

“Seunghyunnn...Brotherrr…”

Seunghyun maintained his stern look and refused to budge.

“Pwease?” she stuck out her lip and made such sad puppy eyes. He couldn’t believe at 17 she was still doing this – and getting away with it, too.

Seunghyun’s right eye twitched and the corners of his mouth slightly moved–

“Ah ha! So, it’s a yes!” she broke out triumphantly.

“What?! No! I said no such thing!”

“Mom said I could, Seunghyun. All I want now is you being okay with it, so it’s not weighing me down all night...Please, Seunghyunie... Pretty, pretty please with chocolate sprinkles on top?”

There it was. His Kryptonite: the puppy eyes and their ‘chocolate sprinkles.’

“ALRIGHT…”

Her squeals of excitement and jumping up and down was met with his adamant condition, which she immediately accepted, still cheering in happiness.

“But only if you’re back by 2, ok? You know what mom says: all the crazy people are out during those times. That’s mom’s usual curfew for us anyway”

He spoke it softly. His heart and mind remained conflicted despite her big, happy smile. What was wrong with him? She was happy? So, shouldn’t he be, too? 

“Ok, ok, ok! Thank you so much, Seunghyun! Thanks for not being boring and insufferable!”

“Hey!”

“Well, you are!”

“Whatever... Need me to pick you up?” he asked hopefully because he wanted her home safe. And in their family home was the only place he could be for sure she was safe.

“Seunghyun, it’s only for a couple of hours,” she said knowingly, like she could hear his inner turmoil, “and no, Jinseok will bring me home.”

Seunghyun paid the name no heed. He didn’t like half of the guys at their school. To be fair, Seunghyun felt like he had given them plenty of chances to redeem themselves, but they lacked the necessary qualities that Seunghyun believed were pertinent if they even wanted to THINK about dating his sister. But like usual, Bee raised a complaint. Puppy-eyed, chocolate sprinkled her way into getting what she wanted, and in the end, he relented.

While he ranted in his mind – an inner dialogue with himself – she was now descending the staircase, dressed to the nines. “How do I look?” she asked, striking a pose and breaking Seunghyun’s inner struggles.

“Seunghyun?”

“Hm?”

“I asked you a question.” Seunghyun looked confused and she shook her head with joking annoyance, “I asked how I look.”

“Like a girl.”

Her groans of protest and Seunghyun’s laugh brought the usual brightness back into the room.

“Seunghyun! You know that’s not what I meant!”

“You look beautiful, Bee. Like always.”

And he meant it. He truly did. The girl in front of him was no longer the little lost girl he’d grown up with – she’d grown up so much. 

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what? I did nothing!”

“Looking at me like that – all sad and stuff.”

“I’m not sad,” he tried to reason despite feeling caught.

Her answering ‘for real’ look made him sigh, “Just realizing some things that’s all, Bee.”

“Good things?”

“Aren’t those the only kind of things about you?”

“You’re damn right!”

He barked out a laugh at her answer and she quickly joined in.

A few minutes passed, where they exchanged easy conversation before her ride pulled up.

“Right, I should be going! Nothing beats being fashionably late, you know?!”

But Seunghyun didn’t know, yet he still waved goodbye at her climbing in the front seat, waving at him excitedly as they drove away.

For some reason, he couldn’t get rid of this nauseous feeling settling in his gut…

Shaking his head to rid himself of his “overprotective tendencies” as Bee had put it, he turned around and walked inside. She’d be fine…

  
  
  


Right?

  
  


* * * * *

  
  


It had been an hour past 2, and Seunghyun was worried. Sure, it was supposed to be a fun party and no doubt she may have lost track of time, but her last text message had been worrisome… 

  
  


[Seunghyun]: hey bee, how’s the party? It’s getting late.. Mom’s asking when you’re planning on coming home?

[Seunghyun]: Bee?

[Bee]: it’s fine

[Seunghyun]: um ok. Is everything ok? Do you need me to come and get you?

[Bee]: no

[Bee]: i said i’m fine

[Seunghyun]: you don’t sound fine…

[Seunghyun]: i’m here if you need me, k?

[Seunghyun]: be careful

  
  


She hadn’t answered after that. And she always answered him with emojis and wild exclamations. But this response had been close to 35 minutes ago, or maybe it was an hour? Seunghyun couldn’t remember – all he could remember was that she wasn’t home and something was wrong.

He could feel it.

He had tried calling her, calling her friends, but no one answered. At last, someone picked up when he called – one of her used-to-be friends. But the answer did little to quench the burning anxiety in the pit of his stomach.

“I don’t know where she is. Haven’t seen her for some time now…”

But that wasn’t the part that scared him the most. It was what followed after:

“Think she might’ve wandered off with her boyfriend or something… uh, hello?”

But Seunghyun was already gone – running to his car, hanging up without a word, and praying for what? Seunghyun didn’t know. All he knew was that something wasn’t right, and Bee never left him on read.

  
  


* * * * * 

  
  


When he pulled into the school driveway, he hurriedly parked and rushed inside for any sign of her. The music was loud and voices were everywhere – how was he going to be able to find her in here? Or if she was even here to begin with?

Calm down, Seunghyun. You’re thinking the worst, he told himself to stabilize his thoughts.

After asking around and no one knowing what he was talking about or why he would want to know, Seunghyun was  _ this  _ close to tearing up the gym, piece by piece, until he found his little baby sister.

“Hey, you’re Seunghyun, right?”

Seunghyun whirred around and saw a short-haired girl addressing him. He nodded.

“You’re looking for Bee, right?” Once again, he nodded his head frantically.

“She said something about fresh air a while ago. I was going to go with her but her boyfriend said, alone time meant ‘them’ time and followed after her. Whatever that means…” she continued to ramble and Seunghyun interrupted asking where they went – a direction, something!

“That way, I think,” she answered, pointing towards the back entrance to the school, “Weird place to hang, but he seemed sure of himself.” She shrugged and pulled out a cigarette from one of the folds in her blouse, then walked away.

Seunghyun wasted no time. He dashed off in the direction she pointed. Tearing the door open, he stumbled outside. No Bee. In fact, there was nothing out here. He could still hear the music blaring as he walked further away from the exit. 

“Bee!” Seunghyun shouted. And as he shouted, a crack of lightning and a roll of thunder sounded. The lightning illuminated a set of footprints – no, two – on the soft ground. He couldn’t tell if they were footprints at first but as he squinted his eyes against the now present rain, he could make them out more clearly. They were scattered footprints like there had been many people trampling the ground; however, it must’ve been just two people, considering the repeating two sizes.

Seunghyun followed the chaotic trail, somewhat sprinting as the unease thickened the further they got away from the school building.

The crack of thunder just added to his dark thoughts as he helplessly shouted her name. He stumbled around as the mud got thicker and the rain poured harder.

“Bee! Where are you?!” His voice was croaking at the power and pitch he was forcing it to reach, desperate for an answer – anything.

As Seunghyun looked down, he noticed the footprints had stopped.

What the–?

There in front of him was a small garage-like shed, previously used for sports goods and equipment, yet now no longer in use. Seunghyun leaned in close to the door, he heard nothing, but that should come as no surprise when it was storming outside. 

Then he heard it!

A wail.

Seunghyun freaked and tried the door – it wouldn’t open. 

Bam!

He used his weight to slam himself against the door, causing it to collide with the floor. Seunghyun’s eyes were crazy, looking around for the owner of the voice.

Because he recognized that voice – he would have recognized  _ her  _ anywhere.

But as he adjusted his eyes to the lightning-less room, he could make out a darkened figure.

Squinting wasn’t needed because just as he took one step closer, a cry of terror came from the figure’s direction.

“P-please! S-stop!”

Lightning flashed once more, but this time it gave light to the room. However, despite the brightening of the room, it failed to bring him any sort of warmth or comfort.

There she was.

Huddled in a corner.

Hair a tangled mess.

Makeup smeared and clothes partially torn and muddied.

But that wasn’t what terrified Seunghyun. It was the eyes.

Those unfamiliar eyes staring right through him.

Eyes he had known for so long that had always been full of trust when they looked at him – now were unfamiliar. Frightened.

Of him?

“Bee, it’s me. Seunghyun– “ he said, approaching softly.

“Stay away! Stay away!” her body convulsed and shied away. And that’s when Seunghyun noticed it: those weren’t dirt smudges, those were bruises.

As Seunghyun had a mental breakdown of fury and pain, a timid voice barely whispered:

“You promised me… you lied to me…”

Seunghyun was so confused and distraught. He lied? What promise?

“Bee, what are you talking about? Please let me near you, let me help you,” the tears could now be heard in his voice as he was nearing a breakdown himself at how she looked so... broken so  _ not  _ Bee.

“Y-you lied to me… he hurt me and you promised… to be there “

Seunghyun was closer now, “Please, Bee. Please. I’m so sorry. So sorry.”

For what else could he say? Because it was his fault. He should’ve been here.

Should’ve.

But he wasn’t.

Yet now she wasn’t crying anymore. In fact, there was nothing – in her eyes nor her face. It’s like he didn’t recognize her at all.

He had been moving towards her, to comfort her (or perhaps himself), but then he stopped. He had lifted his gaze to look at her and she had a curious look on her face now. Something that didn’t look like Bee, much less feel like her.

“Bee, it’s going to be ok. I’m going to get you out of here–” 

A broken laugh interrupted him. It sent chills down his spine – a sense of unfamiliarity and coldness. Looking right at him, she smiled, no emotion reaching her eyes, “It’s too late. You’re too late. Brother.”

  
  
  


* * * * *

  
  


It had been two weeks from that awful day, and there was no word about it. No one talked about it, nothing was done about it, and this ‘Jinseok’ character was never seen again.

Everything seemed to go back to normal. Everything, that is, except Bee.

She was unrecognizable now. 

Cold. Quiet. And above all else, jumpy.

No more warm hugs, walking beside, much less behind her – she couldn’t take it. Physically or mentally it seemed. Seunghyun was at a loss of what to do. He wanted to tell someone – seek help, but one look from Bee – a look of betrayal whenever he tried to approach the subject with someone else – had him shutting up quicker than ever before.

They never talked anymore. In fact, She never talked much to anyone unless she had to. Coming from school, and immediately shutting her door. Mom said it was normal for teenage girls to want their own space and “It’s about time you start finding friends of your own, Seunghyun.” But he couldn’t. Not now.

Not after what all has happened… where he failed.

He had to make amends.

But he couldn’t. Because she wouldn’t let him. 

She was distant – no smiles, no invitations. But only with Seunghyun.

With Mom and everyone else, she had learned to plaster on a smile, so as to avoid those prying questions – more for gossip than actual care.

But with Seunghyun she’d be her real self – staring through him – a shadow of what she once was. Sometimes she’d look at him,  _ really  _ look at him, and he’d see everything: her pain, her anger, her confusion, her sadness, but mostly, nothing. He felt and saw nothing in her eyes, and that’s what worried him most.

He had tried talking with her – begging her to yell, scream, do something! But she would only stare at him at her doorway, acting as if he wasn’t there.

Days passed and nothing changed. But then it did. She started smiling more and finally talking with him. It wasn’t exactly the same, but it was something. Seunghyun was desperate, so he clung to this new change like his life depended upon it.

She’d be ok. He’d be ok. They’d be ok. Everything would be alright.

Because she was good now – back to normal.

Now it was close to a month and a half since the incident, and Seunghyun and Bee were sitting in front of the tv during a Thursday night, watching a supernatural film, chowing on junk food.

“Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be a ghost?”

Her question startled him out of his movie trance, and he looked at her, “Why would I want to be a ghost?”

“You know, you’ve never thought about what it would be like? The feeling?”

“Empty I guess… aren’t they in a state of being between living and dead?”

“Sometimes I think many humans in this movie are more like ghosts than the ghosts themselves – wishing for freedom, to not feel, yet being unable to do so…”

This was new. Bee rarely, if ever, had any deep talks with Seunghyun – always living in the moment – for the fun and thrill of it, especially not around a gory, horror film that lacked all real substance. But he thought he’d entertain her peculiar thoughts.

“Yeah, I guess. Honestly, I’ve never thought about it. But those types of people end up dying or being killed before the movie’s over anyways, so why do they matter? They’re quite insignificant to the plot – only serving one purpose, which is to die. I mean they aren’t the main characters or anything.”

“Yeah… I suppose you’re right.”

“What’s with these kinds of questions and concerns anyways? They aren’t like you”

In a blink of an eye, philosopher Bee was gone to be immediately replaced by cheerful Bee.

“Oh nothing! Just wanted to know! We talked a lot about this in my film class.”

“Oh.”

And she went on watching and chewing like nothing had happened, the conversation forgotten.

Except she didn’t have film class, Seunghyun did.

  
  
  


* * * * *

  
  
  


As Seunghyun laid awake in bed, he couldn’t get their last interaction out of his head. What had even happened? It was like she was trying to play it off as a joke when Seunghyun  _ knew  _ she had been serious… but what had she been serious about? What was she trying to say?

Nothing made sense.

The more he tossed and turned, the harder it was to keep his eyes open – as if the tossing was slowly rocking himself to sleep. A few moments later, his eyes fully shut, granting himself a fitful sleep. 

  
  


[Dream]

  
  


💔

  
  


It was pitch black. Seunghyun focused his gaze on his hands lifted in front of him, but he couldn’t see them. Then, he heard a piercing shriek – not unlike those you hear from ghost horror films.

The darkness was gone, replaced by a stormy, foggy scene. It resembled a graveyard – the ones at nighttime where you see zombie-like creatures pop out of or murders taking place. Seunghyun walked through the mist, unsure in his steps – the eerie wind did little to hide the deep rumble resonating in the earth as the thunder crashed in the distance.

_ Squish. Squish _ . 

Seunghyun heard the sounds and stopped moving. Looking back, he saw no one. A chill ran up his back at a crisp whisper passing his ear. He whirled around. Nothing, once again.

He started walking towards the direction he had originally started towards from the beginning.

_ Squish _ .  _ Squish _ . 

He stopped once more and the noises stopped, too.

It was him. Just as he looked down, the mist pulled away revealing the culprit of the noisy ground:

Mud.

An unsettling feeling overcame Seunghyun as too many familiar sights came into focus.

The storm. The mud.

And as he looked just up ahead: the shed.

Seunghyun couldn’t do this, he turned to run away. Run from the baited breath of the rundown shed. Run from this nightmare because if he could simply not witness it, then it couldn’t be true. Wouldn’t come true.

But his feet wouldn’t move, even with Seunghyun using all his weight.

A feral scream – broken and ear-splitting – arose above the cracks of thunder.

And as Seunghyun looked up to the direction of the cry, he found himself standing directly in front of the shed. Wait! This is not what he wanted! Seunghyun tried to move away, but he had no control over his limbs – his hand reaching for the doorknob despite his opposing will.

The cries grew louder, and the smell disgustingly horrid.

_ Crack! _

The lightning broke his trance. He quickly shut his eyes and covered his ears at the proximity of the crash. In a fetal position, Seunghyun sobbed and kept his eyes tightly shut.

Seunghyun slowly started trying to pace his breathing and slow his heart rate down. With that process came the quivering of lips and the stopping of sobs. But as he kept his eyes shut, he could still hear the sobs, which were now accompanied with loud smacks and slaps.

Was he the one crying? Or–?

“No please!”

Seunghyun’s eyes snapped open.

There – right before him – were two people. One he could make out to be Bee – just as he had seen her before. And the other, practically covering her, nothing more than a blur of dark shadows shaped in a humanoid form.

Seunghyun couldn’t tear his eyes away, now red and dry from not being able to blink and the prior moment of the spilling of tears.

Her body convulsed and her head lulled from side to side at the forceful treatment.

Then, her eyes turned to Seunghyun.

“Brother, please! Help me–” her cries were cut short by her aggressor.

But Seunghyun could only stare, not being able to move – to breathe.

The sight before him grew dimmer as the seconds passed.

He couldn’t hear her cries anymore, he couldn’t hear the noise usually accompanied with intercourse, couldn’t even hear the raging storm outside. All he could hear was his heart beating loudly in his chest, slowly starting to pick up.

Then he stood up and all the noise came crashing in.

“Hyun–”

Seunghyun tried to reach her. Tried to pull the nasty creature off her that was inflicting so much pain upon her. But he just…. Couldn’t.

No matter how far he stretched his hand to her, he couldn’t reach her and her screams grew louder.

Like she couldn’t even see him.

Like he wasn’t even there.

Seunghyun tried shouting but his voice wouldn’t come out – just as hers could not with the abused pressure on her small, tan neck.

With the whimpers and whines and the consistent cries to stop, Seunghyun could only stand there. Even when he tried shutting his eyes and covering his ears again, he couldn’t do it. His hands wouldn’t move – his eyelids wouldn’t shut.

He was cursed to watch the gruesome spectacle before him.

Doing nothing.

Watching her fall apart.

Because that’s all he was good for – he was truly no different than those before.

“You failed me”

  
  
  


[End of Dream]

  
  
  


Seunghyun woke in a start – drenched in wetness. Sweat? Tears? Both? Seunghyun could barely breathe. 

It was so real.

Too real.

The echoing noises and what it must’ve felt like… Seunghyun couldn’t even imagine. He could barely comprehend – could barely shut his eyes without seeing everything before him. Hear everything before him. It was too much...

With how he was barely coping, he could only imagine how she was faring…

Bee… his little sister… so bright and full of life

Was.

Was so bright and full of life.

As Seunghyun slowed his heart rate down and splashed his face with water, his mind slowly began piecing back reality.

An aching feeling of dread and pain remained in his mind that he couldn’t shake.

Before he had written it off as possibly post trauma to the events he had witnessed and his care for Bee, but now… now he wasn’t too sure.

It was like this was fresh.

Awaiting…

Like something was coming – the breath before the plunge.

Then a memory of Bee flashed across his eyes.

Bee. He should check on her.

Something didn’t feel right, and Seunghyun knew by now that he could – and should – trust his gut instincts. Because if he had done so before then maybe she wouldn’t have…

No, Seunghyun, he scolded himself, we are  **not** going there. Not tonight.

Seunghyun pulled on his boots beside his bed and made his way out of his room.

Tiptoeing to Bee’s room, several doors down, he quietly knocked on the door before peaking inside.

“Bee? Are you awake?”

He had asked quietly towards the lying figure in the bed but no movement was made.

Maybe she was sound asleep and he should leave her alone?

A normal person might’ve done so, but Seunghyun’s insides were spinning – a wave of nausea overcame him. The same feeling that had occurred as Bee had stepped into that vehicle the night of prom.

“Bee?” he tried again, this time walking closer and sitting on the side of her bed.

“Bee…” Seunghyun had said this and reached for the edge of the comforter to see if she was really sleeping this soundly. But as he lifted it, he was greeted with a pillow.

What?

Seunghyun then yanked the blanket clean off. There lying where Bee should’ve been were piles of pillows and sheets.

Seunghyun’s mind was whirling. 

Where is she?!

“Bee!” Seunghyun still kept his voice down, but this time it had been a bit louder.

The unease and anxiety spiked again, deep in his gut, and Seunghyun  _ knew  _ that this was bad.

Seunghyun dashed to his room to grab a jacket. He had noticed that her phone was not on her nightstand, meaning she had it with her. So, he tried that first – calling her.

She hadn’t been returning much of his texts lately, so you can imagine his surprise when he wasn’t greeted with the dial tone.

“Yes?”

“Bee! Where are you?! You weren’t in your bed! It’s 2AM! I’m– are y-you ok? Please tell me you’re ok… where are you? Let me come and get you,” Seunghyun spilled everything out so fast and frantically.

“I’m fine, Seunghyun. In fact… I’m great.” Her words were filled with emotion but Seunghyun couldn’t tell which one.

“Please, Bee. Please. Where are you? Please don’t do anything you’ll regret,” Seunghyun was near tears now, close to hysterical.

“You mean don’t do anything  _ you’ll  _ regret, Seunghyun,” her voice was simply stated.

As Bee talked, Seunghyun had turned on the location device that each family member had kept on for years now. He had never been more thankful than now for it.

_ Ping. Ping _ .

The red dot blinked on a location.

Now that couldn’t be right...

Why ever would she go there?

Why ever would she go  _ back  _ there?

The old gym. 

Where prom had been held that dreadful, dreadful night.

He had to keep her talking!

“Bee, I know I don’t know what you’re going through–”

“You’re right. You don’t. So, I don’t know why you get to call the shots on what I can or cannot do,” she had a hint of bitterness in her voice.

“Bee, I only did it because I cared for you… wanted to keep you safe…”

“But you didn’t, Seunghyun. You didn’t, did you?” Her voice was colder than Seunghyun had ever heard it before, but nevermind that, he had pulled into the parking lot.

“I know I failed! I–”

Seunghyun stopped short in his words because as he stood at the entrance, he saw her.

She was on the top of the terrace of the building with the glowing light of the phone to her ear.

“Seunghyun.”

“Bee.”

“I’m sorry,” her voice was tired and full of regret. Her sobs could be heard through the phone, “I’m sorry… I should’ve listened to you…”

“Bee… please, don’t say that. It’s not your fault. You hear? Now please step back from the edge, ok? I don’t want you to fall. I’m coming up, ok?”

Seunghyun’s words were shaky as he spoke, and her soft cries were still heard in the phone.

“I don’t want to do this anymore, Seunghyun… I’m tired. So tired. Everything.. It just hurts,” her voice was so sad, so terribly sad.

“I know, I know. But it’ll be alright, Honey Bee. It’ll be ok because I’m here now…”

“But you won’t always be here will you, Seunghyun?”

“Bee, let’s not talk about this now, ok? Let’s get you home. We can watch a movie, eat ice cream with chocolate sprinkles. You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Seunghyun spoke these as he ran up flights of stairs to the rooftop, his voice panting at the exertion.

“Yeah… I’d like that…” her voice sounded so far away. Seunghyun picked up his speed, skipping two steps at a time.

“Are you away from the edge? You’ve got to stay away from there, Bee… don’t want you to fall.. You’ve got to stay here with me, ok?”

“All I do is hold you back, Seunghyun....”

“Bee, what are you saying? No, you don’t. Don’t say that!” 

Seunghyun was so close…

“Remember when I asked you about ghosts and you said they’re in the state of being between life and death? That’s what I am, Seunghyun… I’m a ghost,” her voice was somewhat lighter but it was less reassuring than it was comforting.

“You are  **not** a ghost. You’re a human being. Full of life, you hear?!” Seunghyun was practically shouting in desperation as he tried to get the door unlocked – the only barrier between him and her.

“And I don’t want to be a ghost anymore,” she sobbed as if she hadn’t heard him, “I want to be free from it all… and I want you to be, too…” Her voice was so distant now.

“Bee, no, please! Don’t say that about yourself! I am free! We both are! It’s ok! We’re alright! We’ll be ok! Please!” Seunghyun had yanked the door partially open and was slamming his weight continuously on it, trying to break it with force. It was sheer desperation.

“You don’t need to hurt yourself for me, Seunghyun. It’ll be ok now. You’re right. I’m not the main character… my story is complete... “ 

“Bee! Stop! Stay away from there! Bee!” Seunghyun yelled as he saw her take closer steps to the edge.

“If you think about it, it’s really not that far down. I don’t think it’ll hurt much…” she mumbled, not even looking back as she spoke to no one in particular.

“Bee!” Seunghyun finally broke the hinges and dashed towards her, trying to close the distance between them – a chasm that had been growing wider and wider as time progressed throughout the previous weeks. He hadn’t noticed or hadn’t wanted to. But Bee had. Bee was always the more perceptive one. 

“BEE!!!! Oh God! No–Oh my God! BEE!!!” Seunghyun snapped around in a circled pace and frantically ran his hands through his already messy hair. His sobs were loud amongst his screams. His body convulsed at the scene he just witnessed. He couldn’t bring himself to look… to look down…he couldn’t do it...

Collapsing on the deck area, he shivered in the cold, body wrenching with consuming pain both outward and inward, but he didn’t really feel it. No amount of chill could touch him – not with his heart already shattered in two…

And that’s how they found him early in the morning – blue and unconscious.

They didn’t ask any questions. Didn’t have to. 

The very next couple of days, Seunghyun was dressed in camo and a grim expression, bag over his shoulder.

He turned towards his home – what used to be his home anyways – where his mother no longer resided either, now in a home for assisted living. And he felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.

No tears. No anger. Nothing. There was nothing for him here.

He had stayed for the funeral. Had stayed for the paperwork to find a home for his troubled, disabled mother. And now only he was left. Left alone. He’d care for his only family left, but he’d do so far away. It was better that way. 

The fewer people he entangled himself with, the better. Better for them, better for him.

So much for promises.

  
  
  


💔

  
  
  


**(End of Flashback)**

  
  
  
  


* * * * *

  
  
  


Seunghyun could still feel the cold… on that night....

“Oi, Choi!”

A voice was calling his name. He couldn’t register it. It didn’t sound familiar. It wasn’t her, was it?

“Choi, you there?”

Seunghyun slowly started to collect his thoughts and surroundings, but his mind was still spinning.

“Seunghyun.”

Seunghyun blinked and there right in front of him was Jiyong.

Jiyong with a worried expression on his face.

He was crouching, meeting his gaze, eyes soft and eyebrows pulled together in a frown.

No words were exchanged and honestly, Seunghyun couldn’t even remember what happened.

He had gotten mad and lashed out at Jiyong, right? There was a club… some guy and... Oh, yeah, and he was fired…

“It wasn’t your fault,” Jiyong’s voice shattered his inner brainstorm.

Seunghyun looked down, breaking their eye contact momentarily.

“It wasn’t, so you shouldn’t blame yourself,” Jiyong’s voice was utterly serious, his eyes sharply digging into Seunghyun’s skin.

“Regardless of fault,” Seunghyun spoke deeply, “I still lost her… I didn’t see the signs… didn’t see  _ her _ … she was calling out to me.. She needed me and I wasn’t there… so how can it  **not** be my fault?” Seunghyun finally said it, voice lacking breath – dripping with regret. He was vulnerable, which was a rare thing in of itself, but he couldn’t seem to care right now.

He had carried this with him for years, sharing it with no one. Never speaking about it. How his heart hurt, how his mind could sometimes barely process the present day’s activities. How he couldn’t sleep through thunderstorms. How he had silently cried every time he had sent a paycheck to his mother because he was too cowardly to go home and face her. How he pictured dark blurred forms whenever he pulled the trigger. How he couldn’t eat ice cream without puking his guts out. How– 

And Seunghyun bowed his head once more.

He didn’t know why he was sharing this with Jiyong, who he undoubtedly could not trust and borderline hated, but at this moment, it felt like he could. No words were said in reply to Seunghyun’s confession, and he was surprised. He had expected Jiyong to say something, anything. 

But then Jiyong did something that Seunghyun did not expect. Something he had not experienced in a long time.

Jiyong hugged him.

In an attempt to gather his wits and the surprise of the action from someone he was just bad mouthing in his head, Seunghyun stayed crouched there and took it.

But that didn’t seem to bother Jiyong as he continued to embrace his bodyguard.

As time passed, or seemed to pass, Seunghyun and Jiyong sat there in an awkward, one-sided hug. Seunghyun was going to break away and end the moment because they needed to leave due to the cold and the fact that Seunghyun’s emotions were now in check. 

But then Jiyong had decided in that moment to whisper something that Seunghyun had never known he yearned to hear:

“You’re ok. It’s ok to cry. She wouldn’t want you to carry this the rest of your life. Let it go. It’s going to be ok.”

So Seunghyun cried, and this time, he returned the hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seunghyun is somewhere around 25-27 years old in my head (fitting for someone of his ranking in SF before he was honorably discharged). He refers to Jiyong as “kid” not only because of his actions/behavior, but it’s more of a subconscious thing like his own hyungs did to him years before.


End file.
